A tipster catches Courteney Cox and David Arquette's marriage coming apart as they lunch at separate tables:

Star Magazine lists the going rates for celebrity nude photos, which clearly don't adhere to the supply and demand dynamics of the free market. Angelina Jolie ($1.2 mil) has been naked in nearly every movie she's ever been in—we can sketch her nipples from memory; in fact, we're sketching her right now. McConaughey for 200 grand? He'd whip it out for a hit from your bong. Brad Pitt's junk ($1 mil) has been on the web for years. And if you want to know what Timberlake ($400K) is packing, just head to Vancouver.

Rush & Molloy get the story behind the wacky brawl following Lindsay Lohan's little brother's First Communion party at the family's Long Island home. Suffice it to say that drinking and Irish Catholics were involved, which can only end with a proud dad hitting his brother-in-law in the head with his shoe and endless media speculation about the possible surgical enhancement of his daughter's rack. Trust us, we have firsthand experience in both matters.

According to Madonna's official website (no, it's not kabbalah.com, you're incorrigible!), tonight's show at the LA Forum has been canceled. "Madonna has the stomach flu and was ordered by her doctor to rest this evening. She will be back at 100% and can't wait to entertain her fans!!!!" [Ed.note—Totally retarded exuberance theirs.]

A reader who actually "sat through all eight hours" of the NBC upfronts questions the LA.comfidential item about a naked Jeff Zucker shilling for his shows that we linked to earlier today. (UPDATE: They've attributed the item to something called Electronic Media magazine. Not so Insider-y a scoop after all.) He says there was no "nekkid" Zucker (pictured at left, wearing an enormous, futuristic peacock headress, possibly to overcompensate for his all-around lack of size) in this year's wacky video. Instead, there was an interview with Roy Horn, seemingly duct-taped together as he continues to recover from his near-fatal white-tiger mauling, to promote the NBC computer-animated show Father Of The Pride.

Yesterday, we ran an item about pregnancy rumors on the final Bachelor episode that airs tomorrow night. (Yes, the ACTUAL last episode, The Bachelor: After The Final Rose, where the couple always talks about how they're taking things slowly before quietly breaking up). Today Reality Blurred has a link to some camera phone pics from the set of TB:ATFR of panic-attack prone runner-up Tara storming off the set, pursued by producers.

Beautiful-people readers of this site probably eschew the ugly-people gossip of our Washington sister-site, Wonkette. But after Wonkette broke the story of Capitol Hill sex/anal sex/cash-for-sex blogger Jessica Cutler ("Washingtonienne"), the Hollywood should be watching. Playboy reportedly wants to entice the comely, ass-fucking obsessed duo into a tasteful, inevitably legislative-themed nude photo spread. And we just heard Howard Stern order his producer to book Cutler on his radio show. How long before we see our Wonkette and galpal Cutler on E!, as Howard wheedles and offers piles of cash for some girl-on-girl action?

Again, a la "Clay Aiken unconvincingly grabbing a handful," we'll believe it when we see her publicist jamming a slice of pizza into her mouth. And we're pretty sure those will be normal-sized sunglasses if she ever hits a healthy weight.

Jesse Palmer, third-string Giants QB and this season's Bachelor, is now accused of completing a quarterback sneak into both finalist's reproductive systems. On this week's The Bachelor: After The Final Rose wrap-up show, winner Jessica and anxiety-attack victim Tara will dismiss rumors that they are both pregnant:

Some readers have helpfully written in to help crack the secret code on Ben Affleck's baffling "OV" tattoo, which recently led to a theory that he is supposedly A-list actor/pseudonymous blogger Rance. One reader uncharitably unscrambles the letters visible in the picture to the left and comes up with "ROTTEN HOMO ON VO." Play nice, kids.

How about if a female publicist blew you at a press conference? Nah. It's going to take nothing less than full-motion video with penetration to kill those rumors, Clay. But a nice try nonetheless.

A report from the Vancouver set of Edison, in which Justin Timberlake will make his "serious" acting debut, confirms what's been keeping us up for weeks, softly sobbing to "Cry Me A River" as we toss and turn in a cold sweat: Justin can't act a lick, despite what the PR flacks want you to believe. Says our spy, "The boy can sing, but damn, he sure can't act. Everyone has been making fun of him. He needs to stick to what made him famous." Good idea. But without a time machine or some very suspect surgery, how do we get him to devirginize Britney Spears again?

Today marks the beginning of, perhaps, a new era: the NY Daily News has set up Rush and Molloy's bitchy Australian gossip-boy Ben Widdicombe with his own weekend column. And just a few weeks ago, the NY Post launched their own weekend gossip column, hostessed by the even-younger-than-Ben Elisa Lipsky-Karasz.

A reader tries to decode Ben Affleck's puzzling "OV" tattoo, which led to a theory that the "Ben" part of the celeb conglomeration "Bennifer" is actually Rance (in the pic, the letters MOH NON TE are clearly legible above the VO): "It anagrams to "one month". Maybe in AA he was so happy to have gone one month without VO he celebrated with a tattoo?"

Here are your answers for Ted Casablanca's "One Butcher Blind Vice" from this week's column.

More on Shrek and Shrek 2 director Andrew Adamson's alleged proclivity for "appropriating" from his writers. Says a former associate:

From today's Rush & Molloy column, on Lindsay Lohan's oft-discussed cleavage: "I'm 17!" she moaned. "I would never get [breast implants]. I just wear fantastic Victoria's Secret bras. It's kind of funny. I guess if [the tabloids] are going to bring attention to me, might as well bring it to my boobs."

The number one rule of blogging is "Learn to subsist on a cat food and Saltine diet." The number two rule is "Give the people what they want." And the people in Defamerville have been clamoring to guess some blind items from other gossip rags. So, to satiate your need to take entertaining stabs about gossip too juicy and legally risky to carry celebrity names, here's E!'s humpy gossiper Ted Casablanca's blind item from this week's column, "One Butcher Blind Vice":

Apparently, people are so stupid that they'll believe anything just because it's on a website. [Ed.note—To wit, sending Defamer 20 dollar bills will make your dick/breasts bigger, one inch or cup size per bill.] Despite this press release, issued by a site called PRWeb that will distribute ANY press release, and this blog, Andy Kaufman is still dead. The rumors of his return have gotten enough traction that Internet rumor debunking supersite Snopes has been compelled to declare the Kaufman talk false. Although the more we think about it, the more we want to believe that if Kaufman came back, he'd be a blogger. We really are the busboys of the new millennium.

Oscar nominated Shrek screenwriter Ted Elliott writes about a dispute over the writing credits on Shrek 2 in a discussion forum on WordPlay, Elliott's and writing partner Terry Rossio's website. (Note: Andrew Adamson is the director of both Shrek movies).