[Ed.note—We've jumped this item back to the top because of an important update. See below.]

Through our underground network of eagle-eyed, gawking PrivacyWatch spies, we are slowly piecing together Justin Timberlake's entire Wednesday schedule. Yesterday, we received a hungover report about Timberlake partying, sans Cameron Diaz (for the love of God, where are the publicist denials about their break-up?), and now we know where he was before he went clubbing at Concorde with semi-pro lushes Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton.

Another guest at last night's Sass & Bide party provides additional, chilling detail about Bijou Phillips and her incredible dancing ability. Disappointingly, our reader offers no speculation as to what kind of fuel keeps the Bijou Phillips Party Machine in constant motion, other than possible brain damage.

We'll let a reader handle the introductory duties for the "guesses" part of the Blind Item Guessing Game: "I can honestly say that this blind vice lost me somewhere after the word, 'Let's' ... but with the help of a handy dandy 'illiterate gossip hound to English' dictionary, I was able to deduce he's talking about old people who are married...But what confuses me is the fact that old people aren't having sex is gossip worthy. Isn't Britney walking barefoot into a porta potty in Riverside?" Yes, she probably is, and you're ignoring the fact that the raison (annoying French inflection ours) for many blind items is the gay sex angle. Mind the gossip stepchildren before you unfairly criticize Ted!

We've been so preoccupied with wondering which of Matt LeBlanc's former co-stars would be the first to show up to do a ratings-whoring cameo on Joey that we've spent every night since the show's premiere drunk on vodka and hairspray cocktails, pouring over TiVo'd Friends reruns for clues. Then we saw this report about Jennifer Aniston being spotted on the Joey set (in full make-up!), and we momentarily went back to eating solid food. Unfortunately, our unimpeachable sources assure us that it's time to go back to the bottle, as Aniston was merely dropping by to say hi to LeBlanc, not to once again don The Rachel. She was all made up because she's shooting a movie nearby.

An extremely hungover spy's tenacity in making sure we received a report from the Wednesday night scene at Concorde warmed our hearts so much that we almost forgive her for getting too drunk to follow around some Defamer favorites until they did something interesting.

Wherein we invite readers to guess the identities of the subjects of humpy E! gossipmonger Ted Casablanca's blind items, but only after performing the arduous intermediate step of converting Casablanca's mind-erasing prose into a form of English they can better understand. After two straight weeks of double blind items, Ted can only manage One Still-Burning Blind Vice—but at least there's an element of an Awful Truth blind item standby, The Supposedly Straight Actor Who Enjoys Gay Sex :

Jim Hill of Jim Hill Media drops a barrage of new Lindsay Lohan-related bombs on our unsuspecting heads with news from the set (and from behind the scenes) of Herbie: Fully Loaded, where's Lohan's supposed partying is spooking Disney into considering extreme measures—and not the kind where Michael Eisner buys her Irish Car Bombs just to see what happens.

We haven't done one of our world-famous Defamer Blind Items lately, so when a particularly interesting tip crossed our paths moments ago, we figured that it was about time to break the black eye-bars out of storage. Today's degree of difficulty: 7 out of 10.

The Defamer correspondent on fake photos of formerly-popular action stars in gay discos writes in to debunk the image of Bruce Willis engaging in some clean, shirtless fun in a German dance hall. "It's like two different bodies composed into one...and they left parts of another arm in his armpit. It's pretty blatant once you look at the "original"...sticks out like a...err....sore thumb." (You can click the thumbnail at left to see our expert's evidence.) Once again, some potential Photoshop trickery has caused us to question the very nature of what is "real" and what is "still really fucking funny."

We were strangely comforted to read that eye-gouging, effigy-burning, teen-queen blood feud between Hilary Duff and Lindsay Lohan still rages on. Duff stokes the flames in Blender: "Sometimes I feel like I really hate her, which is pretty extreme for me, because I don't hate anybody... She's always trying to spread stories about me, but the funny thing is, I know so many stories about her that I could tell you right now, but I'm not going to, because I don't think people should know."

From the Because We Don't Want Any More E-mail On This Particular Subject Department: Lynne Spears, mother of everyone's favorite public-bathroom barefoot-trotting thrill-seeker, comes to her daughter's defense on her official website.

Bruce Willis' loud-talking, offspring-neglecting cellphone antics of last week seem to have continued unabated up La Brea Boulevard, even after his high-decibel conversation ruptured the eardrums of our eavesdropping spy. Another reader follows up on the original story, leaving us to wonder if there's a mobile phone salesman in Beverly Hills promising celebrities that their phones emit a special jamming ray, making their inane conversations inaudible to anyone who's never been invited to the Vanity Fair Oscar party.

Paris Hilton-clubbing protesters H.O.P.E. declared victory for the their protest of her book signing last night, but at least one of the celebutante-loving faithful thinks reports of their triumph have been greatly exaggerated. We're fairly certain this didn't come from sister Nicky or Tara Reid, who are understandably too busy designing a clothing line and drinking grain alcohol (respectively) to write in.

Page Six has a touching item about how Dustin Hoffman played matchmaker and made a love connection for sweethearts Jason Schwartzman and Zooey Deschanel (who once unknowingly spent an enchanted evening serenading us in one of Hollywood's most dive-tastic karaoke bars). But the momentary fuzzy feeling that spread across our blackened hearts was quickly replaced by horror, as we realized that the couple must immediately surrender fifteen cred points for being labeled as "Hollywood hipsters" by the gossip establishment. How mortifying. They'll be lucky to avoid being stoned to death by the hipsterati the next time they try to sneak into Spaceland to catch a show.

According to a press release from Celebrity Justice, Harrison Ford got himself out of jury duty earlier today. It's yet another example of how Stars Are Just Like Us, except that they're treated like heroes for merely showing up to get dismissed from an already-cushy Santa Monica courtroom assignment:

A Defamer operative tips us to labor problems on David E. Kelley's upcoming lawyer-driven reality show, The David E. Kelley Project. Kelley, in addition to being Mr. Michelle Pfeiffer, is the prolific television genius that inflicted Ally McBeal on the world, singlehandedly inventing the frighteningly-bony, frequently-hallucinating lawyer genre.

Remember those first couple of seasons of Malcolm in the Middle, when Frankie Muniz was an adorable kid with a habit of breaking the fourth wall and talking to the camera? Then puberty happened, and Agent Cody Banks happened, and now we get a report that other stuff is happening, too:

We haven't been able to confirm if it's true (you'd be surprised how wildly ineffective opening the window and shouting is for "reporting," unless you're trying to find out if the ice cream guy has any Bomb Pops left), but we're hearing rumors that a (failed) kidnapping attempt was made against Catherine Zeta Jones in Mexico, where she's shooting Mask of Zorro sequel Legend of Zorro. If it turns out that an attempt was made at snatching CZJ, it sounds like going out for cocktails with her sleepy stalker might be less dangerous than down time on that movie set. She should consider spending some quality time at her mansion in Majorca, even with the ever-present risk of encountering Michael Douglas in a Speedo.

How do you know when an entertainment publicist is lying? Her lips are moving, her vocal chords are converting her thoughts into sound waves, and your ears are translating that sound into what you recognize as language. Today's Lloyd Grove column in the NY Daily News gives us opportunity to break down the words of the flacktastic Leslie Sloane Zelnik, Britney Spears' rep, concerning a rumor that Spears plans to rent the $10,000 per night Palms Casino "Real World" suite to throw fiance/out-of-work background dancer Kevin Federline a bachelor party.