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We were strangely comforted to read that eye-gouging, effigy-burning, teen-queen blood feud between Hilary Duff and Lindsay Lohan still rages on. Duff stokes the flames in Blender: "Sometimes I feel like I really hate her, which is pretty extreme for me, because I don't hate anybody... She's always trying to spread stories about me, but the funny thing is, I know so many stories about her that I could tell you right now, but I'm not going to, because I don't think people should know."

You mean there's stuff about Lohan we don't know? The mind melts and drips away through the ears from the tantalizingly possibilities. We'll offer some unsolicited advice to Duff to help her win the war, in hopes she may eventually decide to share some "stories": First steal away Fez with your girlish charms, and then appropriate her favorite "party stall" at the Spider Club. She won't know what hit her.