The Zulkey.com blog corrals Village Voice gossip eminence/ubiquitous VH1 talking head Michael Musto for a few questions, and Musto reveals his forecast for the coming Year in Paris:

We woke up this morning (our usual ritual involves bolting upright, covered in icy sweat from that evening's Hilton-related nightmare), we realized that we still owe you the responses to yesterday's blind item guessing game. Refresh your memory about One Flying Blind Vice:

Wherein we invite our readers to bravely risk a likely prose-induced cerebral hemorrhage and guess the identity of humpy E! gossip Ted Casablanca's weekly blind item This week, Ted laments a lack of secrecy-shrouded gay orgies involving ostensibly straight actors as he sets the stage for One Flying Blind Vice:

In the interest of promoting the safety of our readers, we pass along this alert about a new menace terrorizing the streets of the Beverly Hills area:

Ashlee Simpson just might be teetering on the precipice of a Britney Spears-like breakdown. Besides a mutual fondness for "guide vocal" tracks during their performances, both pop stars have now recently dabbled in the soul-baring, epistolary form. Simpson reaches out to her aggrieved fans with her own Letter of Truth, trying to embrace the same people who have been mercilessly flaying her over The Great SNL Lip-Syncing Incident:

As far as we can tell by reading today's news and tabloid coverage of Lindsay Lohan's mystery illness, she's still in an unnamed hospital (we hear it's the one that rhymes with "Breeders Get High") and undergoing tests to determine what's laid her out. (Please, the girl is sick, no Fez jokes.) Her rep, the always forthcoming Leslie Sloane Zelnick, is telling everyone that she's running a 103-degree fever; adjusting for PR spin, we can conservatively say that Lohan's temperature is somewhere between 113-138 degrees. Her father also told Page Six that she might have meningitis, but the rumors have it that he hasn't been able to see her because a) she's been admitted under an alias that no one's told him and b) Lohan's mother has a restraining order against him. In any case, he probably shouldn't be floating rumors like that, lest he want the entire Hollywood nightclub community rounded up for quarantine.

It's comforting to know that as a day dominated by Ashlee Simpson and Lindsay Lohan news winds down, Paris Hilton still finds a way to get her name out into the discourse. Click the image to see that most fleeting of all photographic phenomena, the slight nipple slip. Really, we didn't want to post this, but we're way too tired after the day's events to fight the impulse.

Everyone knows that legendary womanizer Jack Nicholson has slept with more women than can be counted on the clasped fingers of every Hands Across America participant, but now the litany of his conquests has been catalogued in the new biography, Jack: The Great Seducer. Sure, the book names names (Gia Carangi, Christina Onassis, Lara Flynn Boyle, Mamie Eisenhower, a particularly seductive keyhole in his Hills manse), but it's real draw are the revelations about the secrets of Nicholson's cocksmitherymanship, like this one naming the fuel for his love machine :

As yet another session of our blind item guessing game draws to a close, we'd like to say that we're impressed that so many of you took a stab despite Ted's stinginess with this week's set of clues. The blind item guessing juggernaut that you've created cannot be stopped! Here's a brief reminder about One Ballsy Blind Vice, then on to your responses:

In our continuing attempt to keep you constantly appraised of Mary-Kate Olsen's whereabouts now that she's quit NYU for some outpatient care leisure time in our fine city, we present this sighting:

Wherein we invite our readers to decipher the verbal prestidigitation of humpy E! gossip philosopher-king Ted Casablanca and guess the identity of his weekly blind item. This week, Ted goes behind the scenes of a local spa and finds...a famous gay propositioning a civilian for hot gay action! Absorb One Ballsy Blind Vice:

Mary-Kate Olsen (a.k.a. The Dematriculating Twin) was spotted at yet another coffee shop (this time a Starbucks) since she supposedly dropped out of NYU. What's up with the constant caffeine intake? She's certainly not trying to stay awake to catch up on her studies. By our crude calculations, she'd probably have to drink nine quad espressos in a two-hour period to approximate another kind of buzz (accounting, of course, for her meager body mass), but the local cafes are cutting her off, forcing her to shuttle from one java dealer to the next to get her full fix.

When a spy told us she spotted Mary-Kate Olsen hanging out at Urth Cafe a couple of days ago, it struck us as a bit odd. A single Olsen sighting? Whither Ashley? And shouldn't MK be hitting the books back at NYU? Unfortunately, it seems as if higher education has failed Mary-Kate, or, perhaps, Mary-Kate has found the academic life to be disagreeable. Her rep says she's missing "very few classes" while taking care of "personal business" in L.A., but sources close to the Rehab Twin say she might never go back. If Mary-Kate is simply too homesick to hang out at NYU, we're sure the school has a variety of outpatient independent study options that would allow her to stick with her studies. Despite what she might have heard at Cirque Lodge, no one likes a quitter.

Today's Page Six helpfully updates the world on Paris Hilton's itinerary for her trip to Vegas this weekend, you know, in case any people with cameras want to shout at her and take her picture. At least they removed the publicist's e-mail header before printing it. But we're not complaining, we were looking for any excuse to run this fine, month-old photograph of Hilton's preferred relaxation technique. That it's, take a deep breath, hold it...hold it...and try to forget about all this racism nastiness for a minute before you hop a private jet to the Hard Rock.

We've heard a rumor that CAA, the House That Ovitz Built But Then Ditched To Feed His Ego And Get Even More Ludicrously Wealthy, might be in talks to buy up the less elegantly initialled BWCS (Broder Webb Chervin Silbermann, there you made us type it out). Consolidation usually means layoffs, which in turn means out-of-work agents panhandling on the sidewalks of Beverly Hills. If a deal does eventually go down and you find your office building flanked by unemployed ten-percenters, do what we do—refuse eye contact and barely hide your contempt for the jobless.

As another blind item guessing game comes to a close, we'd like to sincerely thank all of you for playing. Also: What do you have against plus-size celebrities? You know, not *every* person in Hollywood has had work done—just the ones who have SAG cards. A quick refresher course in One Redesigning Blind Vice:

Wherein we invite our readers to guess the maliciously obscured identity of humpy E! ubergossip Ted Casablanca's weekly blind item. Having seemingly (and hopefully, temporarily) expended his reserves of gay sex items in last week's orgy, Ted turns his attention to two of Hollywood's lasting obsessions, plastic surgery and drugs. For your guessing pleasure, One Redesigning Blind Vice:

The tabloids are abuzz with fresh Paris Hilton nonsense, as oil bonus baby/Mischa Barton chauffeur Brandon Davis vents to the National Enquirer about Hilton's N-bomb dropping proclivities. Says Davis: "She uses the word all the time, and I've known her all of her life. It's 'n- - - - - this' and 'n- - - - - that.' She's a disgrace. She is a racist! She puts down Jews and other minorities, too. And I'm Jewish. I found it depressing." As if these accusations weren't lacerating enough, Davis further bleeds Hilton with the ultimate rich guy's insult. "Her value as a commodity is severely damaged." No. You. Didn't.

Please forgive us if we're giving the news of Nicky Hilton's rumored annulment from rent-a-husband Todd Meister short shrift, but lately we find it hard to get excited about Hilton news that makes a mockery of the institution of marriage without creatively involving a wedding cake in some on-camera sodomy. Call us jaded. We're sure the Pope is on his way to Los Angeles to spin the couple counterclockwise and declare that the marriage was all a bad dream, without so much as pausing to determine if they're Catholic. We wish those crazy, publicity-loving kids all the best in their newly-single lives.

Please excuse us if we've becoming slightly jaded at the prospect of yet another (a third!) instance of Paris Hilton engaging in explicit sex acts in front of a camera. News of the World reports that Paris Hilton Has Sex, Vol. III is "being hawked around America for £30,000 by a three-man consortium," and features "kinky group sex" and "lesbian footage."