Norway’s Princess Märtha Louise Dumped the Monarchy for Sexy Shaman

Good news for all of us still a little shook up from the untimely death of Elizabeth II: We have a brand new Queen, and she’s Norway’s Princess Mãrtha Louise, who just stepped away from her royal duties as daughter of the King of Norway to marry an American shaman named Durek Verett. According to Tatler, the 50-year-old princess wants to “focus on alternative medicine” with Verett, “a 47-year-old American businessman and Hollywood alternative therapist [and] the author of Spirit Hacking: Shamanic keys to reclaim your personal power, transform yourself and light up the world.”

According to The Guardian, “he sells a medallion on his website labeled a ‘Spirit Optimizer,’ which he claims helped him overcome Covid-19.” The text of Spirit Hacking also reportedly implies that acquiring cancer is a choice a person makes.

He sounds amazing. And Princess Märtha Louise, to her credit, is no ho-hum lib-pilled monarchy-cuck either. The Guardian reported, “Märtha Louise, who claims to be able to speak with angels, lost her honorific “Her Royal Highness” title in 2002 when she chose to work as a clairvoyant.” They sound like a fabulous match for each other, if not for royal life. A cited poll in September found 17 percent of Norwegians now have “a lower opinion of the generally popular royal family, nearly all citing the princess and the shaman as the reason.”

Well hot damn! Not since Empress Alexandra Feodorovna of Russia and her in-house mystic Grigori Rasputin boned in a Fabergé egg storage closet has the impressionable royal/self-proclaimed soothsayer pairing had such global impact.

We wish these two a deeply tantric sex life, and failing that, I wish them the best of luck curing cancer.