British Egg Terrorist Banned From Carrying Eggs in a Public Place

Authorities have cracked down on the climate activist who missed Charles and Camilla

YORK, ENGLAND - NOVEMBER 09: A member of the public is arrested by Police after throwing eggs at Kin...
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Egg check!

On Wednesday, a strapping young member of the “non-violent civil disobedience” climate action group Extinction Rebellion threw four eggs at “King” Charles and Camilla R. while they were on a walkabout in York. He missed every time, so the story wasn’t as funny as it could have been.

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Luckily for all of us reading about it and for the continued heft of the British monarchy, I guess, the 23-year-old eggressor Patrick Thelwell has been dealt with. In America, the state probably would have murdered him by now, but in England, the consequences are much more severe. According to the Daily Mail, he’s been charged with a section 4 offense for “causing fear or provocation of violence” and is awaiting sentencing. But even more draconian: “He said his bail conditions include staying at least 500 metres away from the King and not being allowed to possess any eggs in a public place.”

Not allowed to possess any eggs in public places? What about groceries?

“He said this condition was eventually altered so he could go grocery shopping,” the Mail reported.

Oh ok. I can see the oueferachiever having the cunning to exploit a loophole or two there, but he seems like a nice enough bloke with good intentions.

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After he was released from custody yesterday, Thelwell told the Mirror, “After I was arrested the experience of that crowd, literally screaming and wailing with pure rage. Saying that my head should be on a spike, that I should be murdered on the spot…It doesn't phase me because I understand what fascism is, what it looks like.”

Thelwell also criticized the wanna-be fashionista king for his half-assed environmental interests, saying, “This is a man who dresses in stolen jewels from India and Africa and every other colony.”

The King and Queen will be fine. Camilla’s tough as super-absorbent tampons, and it’s nothing worse than what the little git Charles had to endure from his anti-monarchist peers at Gordonstoun. No one said being King would be easy, Chunk — now make like a Scotch egg and get ova it.