Another Fucken Crisis for the Queen

Sigh. It’s Wednesday, which means there’s another British constitutional crisis while the Queen has been trying to recover from the non-stop trials and tribulations of the all-consuming Holyrood Week. Will these cunts ever give her some rest? Have they no respect for her new job description, for fuck’s sake?!

Lilibet Sr. was spotted looking “pensive” as she left Sandringham Estate’s Wood Cottage, original home of her late husband’s stick, to be helicoptered back to Windsor Castle to deal with the Boris Johnson of it all, according to Express UK. On Tuesday, Will Quince, Britain’s minister for children and families, resigned over PM Johnson’s appointment of Chris Pincher, a little-known conservative lawmaker who made a drunken, disgusting, possibly pinchy ruckus at London’s the Carlton Club last week. Pincher has been accused in the past of “inappropriate behavior,” and Quince believes that Johnson knew about it all before bringing him into his hard-partying fold.

Later on Tuesday, two more of Johnson’s cabinet members resigned, Health Secretary Sajid Javid and Chancellor of the Exchequer Rishi Sunak. This puts pressure on Johnson, who underwent a no-confidence vote in June (to which former British PM Theresa May wore a ball gown), to resign.

The Queen may primarily identify as a horse girl, but unfortunately she is also the Head of State, and now her country romp is ruined thanks to these bloated idiots. As she sulks on her way to the helipad next to her dresser and confidante Angela Kelly, I have a word of advice for the woman who’s overseen 14 prime ministers’ reigns: chin up, hon. For every Winston Churchill you deal with, you’re going to get a Boris Johnson or two. He may be gone for good at the end of today, but you’ll live forever.