Trump Says the End Is Nigh for Harry and Meghan

"I’ve been a very good predictor, as you know. I predicted almost everything."

THE HAGUE, NETHERLANDS - APRIL 17: Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex and Meghan, Duchess of Sussex attend...
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crystal gazing

Donald Trump told Piers Morgan that Meghan Markle has Prince Harry “whipped” and that their union will “end bad.” Nightmare blunt rotation of those four deeply unvibey figures aside, there’s some cosmic stuff going on here that we should pay attention to. Trump is a noted soothsayer — for example, when he tweeted that thing about sharks.

According to the New York Post, Morgan had Trump on for his inaugural episode of Piers Morgan Uncensored, the Markle-jilted British blowhard’s new venture after his legendary walk-off from the set of Good Morning Britain last March. He criticized Markle’s year-old interview with Oprah Winfrey, probably because he wanted to watch on his iPad but was 3 software updates behind and couldn’t get the weefee (that’s how they say it in Britain) to connect.

On the show last night, Trump said, “I won’t use the full expression but Harry is whipped like no other person I think I’ve seen.”

Besides “covfefe” and “bigly,” (classic!) the word most associated with Trump is likely “pussy” (i.e. “just grab ‘em by the pussy.”). But Trump knows his words have preternatural power, and he knows they might implicate Billy Bush’s career.

Trump also said:

“I want to know what’s going to happen when Harry decides he’s had enough of being bossed around. Or maybe when she decides that she likes some other guy better. I want to know what’s going to happen when it ends, OK?”

“You think it’s gonna end?” Morgan asked Trump, to which Trump answered:

“I do. I’ve been a very good predictor, as you know. I predicted almost everything. It’ll end and it’ll end bad…And I wonder if Harry’s gonna go back on his hands and knees, back into the beautiful city of London and say, ‘Please.’ You know, I think Harry has been led down a path.”

You’re laughing now, but Trump has proved over and over again that he’s a real Cassandra type. Light a candle for Harry and Meghan if you can, especially if you find yourself in the beautiful city of London, because this could get ugly.