The Queen's a Blanket Hog When It Comes to Her Seabed

She's gonna take it to the grave with her

Queen Elizabeth II converses with the captain of the royal yacht "Britannia" in Bordeaux on June 11,...
maritime law

Turns out the Queen owns most of the English seabed, which sucks because I was going to get that for her for Boxing Day, if she even makes it that long. I mean, what do you get for the girl who has everything, including a new Jubbly horse named Fabuleu de Maucour courtesy of French President Emanuel Macron and the entirety of the seabed around the United Kingdom out to 12 nautical miles (the territorial sea limit, according to National Geographic). I guess the answer is a planet?

But we the plebs can’t even do that for her, because she’s being as obstinate about her greatest teacher, the sea, as Prince Wombat in his nursery. Kelp farmers are leaving the island in droves to a “more welcoming” reception in Southeast Asia. Oh, but the Queen surely loves her ickle shrimps, no?

Doesn’t seem like it.

According to Nat Geo, “Nearly half of the country’s wildlife and plant species have been lost since the Industrial Revolution, according to a biodiversity monitoring initiative launched last year by London’s Natural History Museum. Britain now ranks in the bottom ten percent of the world and as the worst among G-7 nations.”

OK, I didn’t realize Brexit was for fish, too, ha-ha!

In order to restore coastal ecosystems, a hefty fee must be paid to the Crown Estate, the Queen’s brokerage company (total Christine boots!). This is wrong, according to scientists at the restorative marine organization Project Seagrass, preservationists, and communists: Alas, the sea belongs to everyone.

Sure, losers, but the seabed belongs to the Queen. Are you new here?