The Queen Does Not Eat Bananas Like a Sex-Crazed Slut
She cuts her fruit like a freak, though
We’re just about six weeks away from the Queen’s Platinum Jubbly Weekend commemorating her 7,000 years on the throne and getting our menus set. My own A-list soiree (British-adjacent superstar Nicola Peltz will be there) is going to feature a three-tier serving platter, each level consisting of a different British delicacy: Welsh rarebits, quail and spotted dick finger sandwiches, and bananas. We’re going to be eating just like the Queen, and it’s going to be lit.
But of course the Queen doesn’t eat a banana like you common sluts, or so says royal chef Darren McGrady in his book Eating Royally. Per the New York Post, The Queen has one of her indentured handmaidens place the banana, fully sheathed, on a piece of bone china and then she delicately slices the top and bottom off, prises open the skin, and eats small morsels of it with a fork. Sort of like how you’d eat a baked potato, but less rewarding.
Etiquette expert William Hanson demonstrates this on Tiktok:
“We don’t eat it like a primate,” the royal expert says.
I hope the royal etiquette expert continues this series. I’d like to see how our favorite stick girl chows down on a pudding.
