The Queen Is Alive But Has Been Rehomed

Hey bud, can you put down the Nintendo for a sec? We’ve got something to discuss as a family, alright? The Queen, who we all love very very very much, is going to leave her big house in London and move to a farm upstate. Buckingham Palace is so noisy, and queens need fresh air and nature, which is why her new permanent home at Windsor Castle is going to be great for her. You know Windsor – her weekend home. She’s going to be really happy there – there’s plenty of wide open space for her to roam, and she can play with as many sticks as she can find.

Don’t worry though! We’re going to get two younger people for you to play with at Buckingham soon — 73-year-old Prince Charles and his 74-year-old queen consort Camilla. You’re going to learn to love them like you loved Lilibet, I promise.

Can you go visit her? Well, sweetie, that’s going to be a little more difficult. According to the Times of London, even though she lived at Buckingham for most of her 70-year reign, she has come to prefer life at the castle, “where she has spent much of the past two years since leaving London to isolate with the Duke of Edinburgh at the start of the pandemic.” She’s getting older now, and too much excitement might startle her.

Is the Duke of Edinburgh going to be there with her? That’s a complicated question. In some senses, we keep our friends alive forever in our minds by continuing to think fondly of them for as long as we live. Maybe we could use this moment to remember some of the good times we had with the Queen? Remember her giant ball? She loved to play with ball. Oh, and how she’d roll around in the dirt with the sixty corgis? And the stick? She was such a good girl. Yes she was.