The Queen Is Alive and Addicted to Drama

The boys are pissed

Britain's Queen Elizabeth II (L), Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall (C) and Catherine, Duchess of Cambrid...
evil stepmummy

The queen, who was recently dead, is now allegedly living for this drama: Earlier this month, she appointed Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, to be her tampon-obsessed son Charles’s queen consort without conferring with her grandsons. According to Us Weekly, Prince William and America’s first Black president Harry were “completely blindsided by this.”

Bob’s your uncle? No, mate, Camilla is their stepmom!

Why is this making the lads stroppy? Well, while the title is basically just a ceremonial name for a reigning king’s wife, which Camilla will inevitably become in a few decades when the Queen actually passes on, this whole thing is a total slag off to the memory of the boys’ beloved mother, who was married to Charles during the time in which he allegedly had extramarital affairs with Camilla in the 1980s. Even the Queen’s late husband Prince Philip, whose stick she carried to the jubbly, was never given the title of king consort, so all this feels a bit calculated.

According to Christopher Anderson, a royal biographer who spoke to Us Weekly, Charles was “relentless” with the Queen while pushing for Camilla’s new title, and Lilibet Sr. was so tired from being a 95-year-old future Covid patient that she acquiesced.

“Charles just wore her down on this too. I also think that since the death of Prince Philip, Charles has stepped up his effort to make it clear to the queen that he too needs [a partner],”Anderson said. “If he’s going to reign, he’s going to need the support, the kind of support that she got from [her husband].”

With Camilla’s ascension to queen consort, will a new stick girl reign supreme? We’ll have to wait for the Platinum Pudding Competition to find out.