The Queen Has Risen? No, She'll Rest in Bed, Thank You

No egg hunt for Easter this year

Britain's Queen Elizabeth II holds flowers as she leaves an Easter Sunday church service in Windsor ...
contemplating mortality

I tend to think of the Queen of England as a mythical immortal, like an ancient Greek deity in a lime green skirt suit with matching hat or like if the late Betty White had gotten bit by a radioactive corgi. It is all whimsical and a bit of fun: her family keeps making iconic gaffes while she claps at teapots and the word “jubbly” has a good tongue feel. But in the past few weeks, reports about Lil have become a bit more startling. Today, a startled Commonwealth learned she’s skipping Easter. She must be weak.

According to People, the “devout Christian” Queen will not be at St. George’s Chapel in Windsor Castle, instead staying at her apartment within the complex to “worship online.” This is one of several events in the last month she’s been absent from, including today’s Maundy services, which the Palace announced she was foregoing last week. Prince Charles and Camilla are attending in her stead, which is probably a huge bummer for the elderly pensioners who hoped to collect “Maundy money” from a dynamic figure, not a dweeb prince and his queen consort, the duchess of tampons.

All of this is making me consider my approach to Queen Liz coverage. Maybe I could be a little more forgiving of royal blunders and royal human rights atrocities. She’s an old woman and has very little actual executive power. May her gradual passage to the great farm in the sky be free of American bloggers, who keep getting confused about who the “Queen Mother” was, and Markle apologists. That said, I will continue to write about her of course. I’m being paid. In Maundy money, with which you can only buy Cadbury Creme Eggs, but still.