The Queen Goes Apeshit Over New Namesake Tunnel

She's eager for you to ride her

TOPSHOT - Britain's Queen Elizabeth II (R) visits Paddington Station in London on May 17, 2022, to m...
chugga chugga chugga

The Queen has a renewed spring in her stick in these weeks leading up to the big Jubbly weekend, vroom vrooming about Windsor in her Range Rover and debuting an erect new toyboy. And now, dressed like the damn teddy himself in a resplendent yellow hat, she’s visited Paddington Station for the opening of a completed tube line that “bears” her name.

Buckingham Palace told the BBC, "In a happy development, Her Majesty The Queen is attending today's event to mark the completion of the Elizabeth line. Her Majesty was aware of the engagement and the organisers were informed of the possibility she may attend."


A happy development is an understatement. The Queen is obsessed with tunnels, as exclusively revealed by Tina Brown in The Palace Papers, via an anecdote about the Queen and Meghan Markle opening a six-lane toll bridge in suburban Liverpool shortly after the Sussex wedding in summer 2018. The Queen invited Meghan to the tunnel, ostensibly to show her the reality of the sometimes excruciatingly boring engagements of royal life, you might think. But you would be wrong. A tunnel opening is the Queen’s personal GHB Night at mid-2000s London night club Bouji.

Writes Brown:

The Queen wore a festive lime-green Cat in the Hat trilby, a matching coat, and white gloves, and had rarely been seen having such a good time at a public engagement that wasn’t about horses. It happens to be a fact that the Queen adores anything to do with bridges and tunnels, often fishing out invitations from her private secretaries’ “decline” pile.

The be-sticked Queen, accompanied by her two failed actor sons Edward The Earl of Wessex and Boris Johnson, even paid full fare at the Elizabeth line’s turnstile with an Oyster card. She only loves bridges and tunnels in concept, though, and left the concourse after ten minutes.

Edward did ride the train, making choo-choo noises the whole time. Per the BBC, , after stepping off the train at Paddington, the Earl added: ‘That was brilliant. I did enjoy that. It was good fun.’”