The Queen Bitchslapped Meghan Markle Over Alleged Wedding Egg Fit

Was Duchy Organic CEO King Charles there?

Meghan Markle in her wedding dress while the Queen is scowling at her.
Fabergé salad sandwich

Since the Queen died three weeks ago, the British royal family has been flopping hard. The only drama they’re bringing to my browser revolves around, like, a big ass candle or Harry not being allowed to accessorize at a funeral. This sort of comedy of manners is not all that titillating, especially now that orders from on high aren’t coming from a petty nonagenarian horse girl. I think royal content creators understand this, and so they’re reaching far, far back into the annals to serve up a little ancient Lilibet drama.

Did you hear that once five to six years ago, the Queen bitchslapped Meghan for bitchslapping a servant over a little egg essence? Now this is what I live, blog, and die for.

This piping hot morsel comes from an upcoming book called The New Royals by Katie Nicholl. According to Insider, Meghan got tight at a menu tasting for her wedding. You see, a dish that was supposed to be vegan “tasted of egg.”

Meghan and the staffer had a “tense exchange” until the Queen intervened, Nicholl reported.
“Suddenly the Queen walked in and said, ‘Meghan, in this family we don't speak to people like that,’” the source told Nicholl.
The excerpt did not include details on what Meghan said to the staffer that caused the Queen to step in.

Egg check!

I’m not saying that treating anyone with disrespect is the way to hack it in this world and it’s unlikely that the staffer would have intimate knowledge of the origin of the alleged egg, but was Meghan’s palate correct in her assessment? Did the chef get involved? Was there egg in the dish? Was Duchy Organics CEO King Charles in the room? What did Meghan actually say? In my mind, it’s “Oh, goodness, this tastes of local egg. I love charity work, and I am the best. Listen to Archetypes on Spotify.” (Meghan’s catchphrase is, of course, “Oh, goodness” even though she’s an American who came of age in Southern Cali in the ’90s.)

Just a bit more context could be the key to understanding this remarkable story, which I’m not even saying I believe. I can’t imagine the Queen saying, “Meghan, in this family we don’t speak to people like that.”— Seems a little new-agey for her. But will I tell everyone I encounter about this egg anecdote like it’s gospel? Of course. This family’s giving me nothing else to do. They better step it up or I’m going to have to write about Viscount James Severn.