The Montecito Diaries: Meghan Markle Will Never Forgive Katy Perry

The singer's 2018 comments on Meghan's wedding dress are threatening to tear apart the community

Left: Photo by James Devaney/GC Images Right: Photo by Andrew Milligan - WPA/Getty Images
hot n cold

We somehow all forgave Katy Perry when that nun who was suing her over property ownership dropped dead during her day in court, but we might not be so forgiving now that the singer’s bad neighborliness is affecting the entire fabulous town of Montecito. We may not be pwifes (that’s Montecitan for “polo wife”), nor were we imbued with the strength of the virgin vestal goddess who guides the Markles to a more perfect podcast, but we are Montecito strong.

According to the Daily Express, comments that Perry made four years ago about Meghan’s boat-necked, rayon-look wedding dress are threatening to tear apart the sleepy community. The tabloid reported: “Prince Harry, 37, is thought to be settling into his American surroundings well but it is claimed Meghan, 41, is upset with her neighbor Katy Perry over a comment made about the Duchess’s wedding dress in 2018.”

Perry told ET Online at the time that Meghan’s bridal exercise dress could have used “one more fitting.”

“I’m never not going to tell the truth! One more fitting, but I love you,” she said. Then she went nuclear, chanting, “Kate, Kate, Kate won, Kate won!” Please, Katy, not that creep!

Orlando Bloom, Perry’s husband, has tried to make it right by offering some metaphorical neighborly sugar to the fabulous Markle twins. He’s warned them about security issues and about that symbolically loaded mountain lion stalking celebrities — especially ones who don’t have hired guns paid for by British taxpayers — for prey.

“A source said: ‘Orlando is very sympathetic towards Harry and Meghan and does reach out if he ever sees anything suspicious in the neighborhood,’” per the Express. But Katy Kat might be the one in danger. Meghan is allegedly already planning on snubbing a baby in retaliation, which is actually some Queen shit.

“The Duchess of Sussex and Perry are both mothers to one-year-old girls but the insider was quick to dismiss any notion of forthcoming playdates for the young children,” the Express reported. “[A Montecito source] said: ‘I would not expect to see Meghan and Katy carpooling to PTA meetings anytime in the future!’”

I wouldn’t really see carpooling for either of them anyway. Katy would be pretty annoying on aux in the passenger seat, and as for Meghan, sustainability and reduction of carbon emissions is her brother-in-law’s thing now.