Harry and Meghan are the Real Paupers of Montecito

And the book? Baby, it's gotta be binned

NEW YORK, NEW YORK - NOVEMBER 10: Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex and Meghan, Duchess of Sussex attend ...
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the montecito diaries

Tina Brown, former Vanity Fair editor and royal biographer who has been known to liaise via séance with Princess Diana, went awf on the Fabulous Markles at the Henley Literary Festival over the weekend.

First of all, Brown called Meghan Markle and Prince Harry “poor” “D-List” celebs who are living above their means. “It’s not very pleasant to be a D-list celebrity who, for them, doesn’t have enough money. It’s a wholly different game to be with those super-rich people,” she said. “In Montecito, where they live, their $14 million mansion is a humble cottage compared to what these other people have.”

Brown’s obviously being a touch British vis-a-vis her cheeky comedy stylings here, but her quips might rankle the uptight Americans who interpret them with malice. Not me, though! Remember fellow Montecitan Gwyneth Paltrow’s in-home basement spa? Meghan could never.

Brown’s most interesting comments on stage, however, were about the floundering weenie prince’s long-term income. A longtime “Bin the Book” advocate, she suspects that Harry’s memoir, for which he was reportedly paid a $20 million advance, will never materialize.

“If the book continues, I don’t think there is any way for Harry to return. So my view has always been that the book won’t see the light of day,” she continued. If he’s past the point of no return and has spent all that up-front cash on Botox and chicken feed, Brown suspects his Papa Charles will step in and slip a few Duchy of Cornwall dollars back to Penguin Random House, Harry’s publisher.

“The window is beginning to close but I always thought at some point a deal would be made and Charles would have to pay back the advance to stop Harry writing this book.”

Even though father and son are not speaking, an unflattering memoir could do worse damage to his own reputation than season five of The Crown (against which he’s waging an “all-out war,” according to the Telegraph). That imperial armada has already sailed, and his proclivity towards screaming at pens isn’t helping any, but I respect Charles’s optimism for his character.

Brown also invoked some light sexism regarding Meghan’s ambitions, but we’re all having fun with it. “Yes, and at some point it might be more than a new house she’s looking for,” Brown joked, adding: “Elon Musk is still single, that’s all I have to say.” Tesla has never made a penny selling cars, so I assume she means Meghan is looking for that ass? We’ll wait and see!