Prince William Is Culling the Monarchy of Racists and Alleged Pedophiles

Someone call the PC police and the regular police

Arthur Edwards - WPA Pool/Getty Images
Uncle Problems

Prince Wombat of Cambridge is going for woke, pissing all the PC Policemen in Scotland Yard right the hell off. He has no affection for his hypersecreting mucoid uncle Andrew, and he wants the teddy-humping Duke of York banished from the fam, even if Mummy still loves her little jerk, who is a right sicko (with “Covid”).

According to the Independent, Prince William is the new face of the monarchy, and he wants it streamlined, as does his father, the 73-year-old boy king-to-be. Never mind the fact that the doddering Prince Charles could cut the royal fat by recusing himself to his little herb garden — the father/son duo started their downsizing project with the compressing of the Jubbly balcony, even if it was tough for the queen. Andrew is, after all, the $13-million steamed-and-larded apple tart of her eye, but it seems she’s kowtowed to pressure to keep her little pervert boy sight unseen as of late.

“[Prince William] would have cut [Prince Andrew] loose a long time ago if it had been up to him. He understands that when it comes to mother and son the situation is complicated, but honestly I think he just wishes he would vanish from public view,” a source told the Independent.

But Gran’s got mobility issues, and unfortunately, a monarch must evolve or die — which she refuses to do — so William is left with little choice but to take the royal stick by the branches.

It’s possible that William’s imperial housekeeping might also have something to do with Russo-British diplomat Prince Michael of Kent and his racist wife of the same name (Princess Michael of Kent) retiring from public life. The Queen’s first cousin and his brooch-wearing bae have been plagued by scandal as of late, and Michael 1 will likely step down on July 4, which also happens to be his 80th birthday, according to the Evening Standard. До свидания, Mikhails! And keep on consolidating that power, Will. It’s the progressive thing to do.