Jubbly Snubbly: Harry Declines Lilibet Sr.'s Big Party Invite

He has a "book" to "work on"

LONDON, UNITED KINGDOM - JULY 1O: Queen Elizabeth ll, Meghan, Duchess of Sussex and Prince Harry, Du...
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platinum pudding

A writer needs quietude, room to think, a rental house owned by Tyler Perry, physical proximity to Oprah Winfrey, a chicken coop, and an entire continent plus that Atlantic Ocean separating him from his family when his bombshell memoir drops. Prince Harry got all that plus a NAACP Image Award, but it came with a hefty consequence: He’s now too scared to attend the Queen’s Platinum Jubbly on June 2, which he’s been looking forward to for 70 years.

According to the Daily Beast, Harry is using the Firm’s refusal to pay for his private security as a convenient excuse for why he can’t judge the Jubbly Pudding Contest alongside other celebrity guest judges such as Mary Barry and Eyebrow Mum. The real reason? The book, “which is due to be published just a few months after the special four day national holiday in June” spills too much tea on Lilibet Sr., her perv son, and the rest of the Windsors.

Royal biographer Tom Bower (these royal biographers are ALWAYS running their mouths) told Closer, “I think the notion that he’s worried about his own security and needs the Met Police is an excuse, and that, sadly, we won’t see him or Meghan back in the UK anytime soon. And I think Harry won’t come back because he knows he cannot face his family, and be pleasant with them, knowing what he’s written about them in that book.”

Perhaps these people have more than enough internal drama going on that they’ll barely notice Harry’s betrayal. But who are they without their coward ginger son?