Prince George Is a Tidy Boy

Cleanliness is third-in-line to kingliness

Britain's Prince George of Cambridge (L) talks to his mother Britain's Catherine, Duchess of Cambrid...
coded language

Ring ring, immaculate Georgie! That’s my impression of the entombed spirit of noted baby pharaoh King Tut calling his fellow youngster, eight-year-old Prince George, on his Fisher Price phone. Tut’s telling Baby G that he’s ready to pass the stick, so to speak in spiritual terms, because George is already equipped to lead the United Kingdom. And why now? Because a royal insider told Us Weekly (these gossips CANNOT stop running their damn mouths) that “Prince George is already showing that he has what it takes to be the future King of England,” noting that the little one is “incredibly tidy” and “immaculate.”

This is pretty remarkable even with someone born with the divine right to an entire chain of islands in Northern Europe. Not many eight-year-olds have what it takes to be Lilibet Sr.’s junior statesman in terms of the ability to smile blithely and approve paperwork, and even fewer know how to put away their toys without Mum and Dad counting down from 10, lest their watching-CoComelon-on-iPad-during-state-luncheons privileges be taken away. Fastidiousness in home and hearth are essential leadership qualities.

The insider also noted that some of that precise attention-to-detail was inherited from his grandfather Charles, noted painter. “He copies the art and photographs that are up in his Kensington Palace and Anmer Hall homes,” the anonymous source said. “He’ll spend hours painting and drawing and absolutely loves it. Kate and William are astonished by how good he is and have framed some of his paintings and given them to [Queen] Elizabeth as gifts.”

Excellent for palace decor and even better for benevolent despotism. Finally, there’s someone who knows what they’re doing in this family, no disrespect intended, except to Andrew the Insolent.