It's Montecito State Prison for Harry, If Charles Has Anything to do With It

The new king is hellbent on keeping Harry exiled

LONDON, ENGLAND - SEPTEMBER 19: (L-R) Prince William, Prince of Wales, Timothy Laurence, Prince Harr...
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When King Daddy expressed his love for his son Harry and his wife Meghan as they “continue to build their life overseas” in a speech mourning the Queen, it wasn’t just a sly British dig. It was a history lesson.

“What?” you might be thinking. Please let me finish.

According to the Daily Beast, King Charles III is going to ensure his son Prince Harry will face a life of “exile” just like his great-great-uncle Bertie, who was known as King Edward VIII (random…I would have picked something cool like “King Devon” or “King Greyson”). He left the Firm in 1936 after less than one year on the throne (though he was never actually coronated, even) for a divorced American beej queen and Nazi sympathizer named Wallis Simpson. His brother King George VI took over for him, but then he died, and that’s how we got Lilibet Sr. Queen of England, and then she died after 1,069 years, and that’s how we got King Charles III.

A friend of the King (the former PM of Qatar!? Maybe…) told the Beast: “The royals handled the abdication crisis by exiling Edward which meant he and Wallis ultimately came to seem like unimportant, misguided, disloyal, and even treacherous individuals to almost the entirety of the British people. It was a masterful operation in the service of which the Queen Mother, in particular, worked tirelessly.”

And wow, is King Charles not the Queen Mother’s grandson, or what. The parallels to King Edward’s abdication aren’t exact, as Harry’s decision to step back from royal life isn’t all that earth-shattering due to his sixth-in-lineliness. But the Beast says that the King was sending an “undisguised message to them to not disrupt his reign by making frequent trips to the U.K.”

A former Buckingham Palace staffer told the Beast, “Harry and Meghan will get an invite to the coronation but they will be firmly seated in the cheap seats along with Beatrice and Eugenie, as they were at the funeral. That will be it. Charles will be ruthless when it comes to protecting the Crown, and that means keeping Harry and Meghan as far from the center of gravity as possible.”

That’s apparently why, in the immediate aftermath of the Queen’s death (which Harry reportedly was only told of five minutes before the rest of the world), Harry bounced from Balmoral after just 12 hours, why he wore a regular suit and not a military uniform at the funeral, and why Meghan was occluded by a big ass candle.

Harry doesn’t need to go back there. Bertie did, because he always needed money from the Queen to support his lifestyle. And while Wallis Simpson was probably more fun to party with than Meghan Markle, the Duchess has one thing the croissant-thumping divorcée didn’t: a $20-million podcast deal.