Meghan Markle Just Doesn't Get How Show Biz Works, Baby

Take it from the experts at Netflix

THE HAGUE, NETHERLANDS - APRIL 17: Meghan, Duchess of Sussex attends the sitting volleyball event du...
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Pearl of Dumbarton

Here’s a “pearl” of wisdom for Meghan Markle: get real, chica.

After the cancellation (not the Me’s Up kind, the regular kind) of Meghan Markle’s animated show as well as her would-be Archewell propaganda arm Tudum, Netflix insiders are speaking out about Meghan’s out-of-touch entitlement. She apparently thought her kids’ show Pearl about “the adventures of a 12-year-old girl who finds inspiration in a variety of influential women throughout history” would be automatically greenlit as part of her and arm-candy Prince Harry’s $100 million deal with the streaming company, which is NOT how showbiz works.

An “insider” told the Sun: “Certainly there was a belief that they thought that Pearl would simply be presented and released. The word was that they were saddened the show was not picked up. But of course people forget that each project faces vetting and the business has the right to veto projects, delete scenes and oversee editorial direction in their work.”

Another insider also said that the duo could not stop pitching “boring shows,” which has left me agog because an animated program about the adventures of a 12-year-old girl who finds inspiration in a variety of influential women throughout history seems like it has the makings of a Euphoria for the seventh-grade set. Pearl’s wearing WHAT? She’s hanging out with WHICH dangerous broad? And where the bollocks is her mother!?

Luckily, all is not lost: a stipulation in the Markles’ Netflix contract says that they are allowed to shop rejected projects around to other streamers and networks, so HBO Max or A24 distribution is not out of the question. Also, Harry and Meghan had a Netflix camera crew with them at all times during last month’s trip to Europe for the Invictus Games and possibly to Grandmum’s country house. Something epic and ridonkulous and possibly hazing-related must have gone down at that Frogmore slumber party, because now, according to the Daily Mail, the Queen’s aides have vowed to form a “ring of steel” around her at the Jubbly to protect her from her enterprising grandkid’s hired lens.

I am praying to King Henry VIII who art in divorcée heaven that even with the beefed-up security, we get a hot mic moment from the Queen so we can get together a good preview package for the corporate fat cats at Netflix. Harry and Meghan really need a win.