King Charles Looking Like a Dime On New Coin

All jowls and ears? That's king shit.

Close up of new British pound coins. Untidy pile of the new coins introduced in March 2017 that have...
calling all numismatistas

The Royal Mint of the United Kingdom released the design of new £5 and 50 pence coins with Charles 3’s portrait on them, set to be released in December. According to the Royal Mint, which has made coins with the visage of British royalty for more than 1,000 years, Charles approved sculptor Martin Jennings’s design. Charles’ profile faces left “in line with royal and numismatic tradition” — Mah-MAH coins in circulation face right. If you put a Charles coin and an Elizabeth coin next to each other, their profiles would look like they’re in conversation. Probably the best little talk the two of them ever had. She didn’t care much for her eldest.

Coming from the perspective of a coin-studying “numismatic tradition,” the coin is impeccable. A simple phrase circles the edge of the coin: CHARLES III D G REX F D 5 POUNDS. The abbreviations are short for CHARLES III DEI GRATIA REX FIDEI DEFENSOR. I went to an Illinois State Latin Competition in 2007, so I of course can translate for you all exactly what that phrase means: Charles III Is a Great King — God-Like, Even — But Can Get a Little Defensive About Fidelity Rumors.

YouTube/The Royal Family Channel

Charles looks gorgeous no matter what, and I will keep the comments respectful, but I have a few easy tweaks in his routine that could make the ten year anniversary coins, for example, a little firmer and tighter. First off, he needs to invest in a microcurrent device to lift those jowls up. A Joe Biden-style facelift could also work, and Balmoral is probably an excellent place to recover from cosmetic surgery. A little bit of a lip flip with some strategically placed Botox will work just as well as hyaluronic filler, and the confidence boost will give the boy king something to smile about. And if he’s serious about considering surgical options, then I’d say why not tweak The Nose while you’re under? A little Kybella, aneoxycholic acid injection that melts fat deposits, under the chin, certainly. Other than that though, he looks fab!

YouTube/The Royal Family Channel

The coins also have two lovely portraits of Mum on the back. I wonder if it hurts having to share his big metallurgic moment with Lilibet Sr., like always. Charles is a unique and special sort of cuck.