Kim and Pete Jubbly Snubblied

For a while there, it was seeming like the Scotland Yard was letting just anyone into the Jubbly: Lilibet’s new cousin-toy boy that she just got with like two days ago, a literal baby, and enemies of the state (plus 10,000 randos, according to the Daily Mail.) It was a come as you are party, as long as you wore a fascinator and were a direct descendent of Edward the Confessor.

But then guest of dishonor Prince Andrew “got Covid,” and it looked like the scene was becoming more exclusive. The final nail of the coffin inside the custom casket-bearing Land Rover of this event? Kim Kardashian and Pete Davidson, who Gawker readers might know as their celebrity couple portmanteau Peem and who were in town for an alleged “secret project,” got Jubbly snubblied.

According to the Mail, Buckingham Palace has rejected Kim’s pleas to snag tickets for the BBC’s Platinum Party at the Palace on Saturday night, which will feature the unveiling of the rockin’ song collab between three-named wonders Andrew Lloyd Webber and Lin Manuel Miranda. It’s sure to be the most annoying event of the garden party season, and yet Kim didn’t make the cut.

My sources (Kathy Hilton) tell me that Kim will try any number of stunts to throwdown with Camilla Parker Bowles and three-year-old Lena Tindall, including disguising herself as a pudding cater waiter, and when that fails, wearing a huge dumb hat. Kim and Pete even dyed their hair platinum to be on-theme, which is so try-hard and humiliating.

Such a bummer none of it’s working. She already lost 16 pounds to fit in Anne Boleyn’s revenge dress for the occasion.