Kate Middleton's Not a Frumpy, Dumpy Norfolk Country Mum Anymore

She's a cool mum

GRAND ABACO, BAHAMAS - MARCH 25: Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge during a visit to Daystar Evangelic...
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good press

As you’ve likely noticed via Gawker’s painstaking coverage, the Queen’s people do not want the her adoring subjects to pay any mind to grandson Harry’s overseas betrayal (he chose to live next to a chicken coop 90 miles outside of Los Angeles instead of on one of the Queen’s sprawling estates) or to favored 61-year-old son Andrew, the ickle apple of her eye, getting briefly caught up with the wrong crowd on Epstein’s Lolita Express.

That’s a lot of bad press — worse than any of the times First Daughter Sasha Obama wore a crop top or First Son Hunter Biden wined and dined @weedslut420 — so the Firm needed their top guys on this one. The strategy: lead with Kate Middleton’s transformation from dumpy, frumpy “Norfolk country mum” to a totally fab and flirty Marie Antoinette-style Queen-in-waiting.

And so Kate’s gone nucking futs, keeping her hands nice and cold, and rocking out amid mutiny.

As Celebitchy put it, “Kensington Palace and the Middleton Manor PR joined forces and went into overdrive for the Duchess of Cambridge’s Keen 40th Birthday PR. It was clear that Kensington Palace sent out talking points which they wanted mentioned in every bloody story about how Kate is the most magnificent jewel in the crown, while also being the most humble and down-to-earth and glamorous person you’d ever want to meet.”

In an article in the Evening Standard about Kate’s ascent as the new face of the monarchy by doing things “the Cambridge way,” readers also discover that nobody else in the family wanted to do it.. “There’s no one else to take on the royal workload,” said royal expert Ingrid Seward.

The Standard reported, “Gone is the shy young woman who mimicked her husband’s poses and struggled with public speaking, replaced by a formidable queen-in-waiting.” The proof? She ate a conch fritter “known to have the same effect as Viagra” on her controversial Bahamian vacation last month.

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Would a “Norfolk country mum” do that?