Kate Middleton Studying the Queen in an Almost ‘You’-Like Fashion

She’s hiding in the bushes, observing …

LONDON, ENGLAND - JUNE 02:  (L-R) Queen Elizabeth II speaks to Prince Louis of Cambridge as Catherin...
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private obsessions

Well, hello there. Who are you? Based on your vibe … the Queen. Your stick is erect. You're not here to be ogled, but those broaches, they catch the eye. You like a little attention. Okay, I’ll bite.

Yes, according to a new report from People magazine, Kate Middleton has been quietly studying the Queen; hiding behind bookstacks, pulling her brimmed cap over her eyes, picking up on subtle cues missed by most. "Catherine has learned by observing," the Queen's biographer Sally Bedell Smith told the magazine. "She knows what resonates. She will have absorbed a lot from this Queen." Indeed, she will have absorbed a lot. All from … you.

All of this studying is to prepare Kate for her future role as Queen Consort, a title that means “the wife of a reigning king,” which to me just sounds like a Queen Regular, but I was not consulted. In their report, People makes a big show of how similar the to-be-deceased Queen is to the younger one. They share a “quiet stoicism, unerring discretion, and firm loyalty,” for example, as well as a decision to never share “their opinions on contentious political issues”; and yes that is likely because those opinions are the wrong ones to have. They also both wear bright clothing.

On top of those many similarities, we learn Kate Middleton has taken on the Queen's “unofficial motto for public life” which is, allegedly: "Never complain, never explain." Huh, a motto eerily similar to Operation Red Dawn’s. (Always detain, Saddam Hussein.)

“Kate is also a modern woman who is nonetheless amenable to the centuries-old power structure of the family business,” says People, “otherwise known as the ‘the firm.’” (Unlike someone else we know, hm?) "It's a personal willingness to conform to the requirements of the institution," says historian Sarah Gristwood. "That sounds like an unappealing, unglamorous virtue, but it's an important one if you're going to be a successful cog in the royal wheel."

Gosh, and we certainly love our successful cog, don’t we? Let’s give it up for the new old cog, but quietly — she’s currently taking notes on how the Queen drinks her breakfast martini. (Very fast!)