Jealous Stunt Queen Zeus Tries to Kill Real Queen With Lightning Storm

Her stick beat his rod

Britain's Queen Elizabeth II waves as she exits a Royal Australian Air Force airplane after arriving...

Zeus, the wrathful, hunky ombudsman of big ol’ gods and twerpy little men, attempted — and FAILED!! — to command his lightning bolt against a longtime foe yesterday. But by Jove! Once again, the god’s arrogance took him down. He underestimated the grit of Lilibet, his British counterpart in the pantheon of eternal overlords. The Queen of England can weather any tempest tossed her way.

On Tuesday, the Queen, who as of late has been jostled about like a Tesco bag filled with Salad Queen-filled deviled eggs strung on a bicycle handle bound for a garden party, encountered a lightning storm while flying from Aberdeen to London. According to Newsweek, the private plane circled London for 15 minutes hoping for a break in the weather.

While it would be funny — and not in a funny ha ha way but more of a life comes at you fast, brother sense — if the 96-year-old monarch besotted with health issues was brought down by a plane crash rather than natural causes, it isn’t what happened. The plane landed without incident, and a Buckingham spokesperson said the Queen was never in immediate danger.

And this is why you don’t hear much about the Greek monarchy of Mt. Olympus these days unless you happen to spend a lot of time with an eight-year-old who is just getting into Percy Jackson: Zeus’s power is basically kaput. Even Philip, who once was randomly the Prince of Greece and Denmark, renounced it all to become a Brit when he married our girl.

Meanwhile, the Queen has only become more fortified each and every day since Diana sat down with Martin Bashir, honing her freakish powers in secrecy amid London’s extensive network of tunnels. Lil’s supernatural powers will be officially conferred at the Trooping of the Colour this weekend. And we’ll be there (in spirit).