Happy Birthday to the Queen, Who Is Alive

Happy 96th, hon!!

Britain's Queen Elizabeth II attends a Service of Thanksgiving for Britain's Prince Philip, Duke of ...
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The birthday girl loves horses, Range Rovers that go vroom vroom, and her dad. She don’t look a day over 90 and all her friends are dead, besides her coral-colored grandson who moved to California. He makes her laugh and oh, how she loves to have a laugh and hide in the big bush.

Who is she? She’s stick girl, she’s stick girl! It’s Queen Elizabeth II’s 96th birthday, and she is alive after 70 years on the throne. In particular, her 95th year was one to celebrate, as she was more vibrant, sprightly, and dynamic than ever. Let’s take a look back at Former Princess Liz the Persisting Whiz’s last year with a mighty photo essay.

Lilibet Sr.’s Most Alive Moments, 2021-2022

April 17, 2021

Prince Philip passed on April 9, 2021, and the Queen attended her beloved’s funeral just days before her 95th birthday. This crazy little dot in a pew on the far left looks quite vivacious, especially when contrasted with the scene at hand.


April 27, 2021

Queenie is inside computer, one of her beloved new hobbies, and looks hot as hell.

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May 17, 2021

Here the Queen is doing some hard labor with her second-favorite son Charles, the Al Gore of Llanfairpwllgwyngyll. Nothing they can’t handle, though.

Chris Jackson/Chris Jackson Collection/Getty Images

June 11, 2021

At the G7 Summit, the Queen cuts a cake with a sword. It’s so moving to see three generations of women who married down (Kate Middleton and Camilla, to her left) together like this, with a sword.

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June 23, 2021

She’s 100 percent more alive than Boris Johnson. He got Covid like four times.


July 11, 2021

The Queen goes electric at the Royal Windsor Cup polo match.

Max Mumby/Indigo/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

October 7, 2021

Yeah, this marks the part of her 95th year where we start seeing less and less of the Queen due to her Covid diagnosis, but tell me, does this look like a woman who needs a break to you? She simply had to attend the Queen’s Baton Relay at Buckingham Palace. It’s an event with enormous geopolitical implications. I bet she participated, too.

Samir Hussein/WireImage/Getty Images

December 23, 2021

Not a deep fake! The Queen is vital and devout to the Anglican Jesus at her Christmas broadcast after Palace experts announce in November that she “has entered a new phase” and “we may not see her until February.” Beguiling as usual.

Victoria Jones - PA Images/PA Images/Getty Images

February 2, 2021

New phase complete! Reborn and posing like a Kaia Gerber-type for her official Jubbly portrait.

Chris Jackson/Chris Jackson Collection/Getty Images

February 8, 2021

This was Stick Girl’s last official stick visit before contracting Covid. It was also around this time that the Queen was reported to be dead by Hollywood Life and then she resurrected herself, though not without some rigor mortis pains. what a month! And yet she beat it all. Could a dead girl do all that?

WPA Pool/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

March 23, 2022

She may have died and gone to teapot heaven, but I’ve never seen her more vital. She could’ve ended it all here. But she didn’t.


March 29, 2022

She does look dead here. Moving on (with ickle Andy’s help)!


April 21, 2022

Gorgeous. Never looked better. Birthday princess. We’re doing shots. We’re captioning the photos “Khaleesi vibes.”

Getty Images/Henry Dallal Photography

Then we’re resting easy.