Royal Garden Party Scene Report

The monarchy's C-List stood around

Britain's Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge (2nd L), Britain's Prince Edward, Earl of Wessex (2nd R) a...
benedict cumberbatch too

It’s the event on everyone’s lips: the second garden party at Buckingham Palace, hosted by the Earl of Wessex. Anybody who’s nobody was there — except the Queen, who likely watched from a bush at a safe distance. Unlike other fetes of late, this one featured the creme de la creme of the reign of Albert of Saxe-Coburg-Gotha and many dozens of still-living Romanovs in disguise.

Everyone looked horrible, and everyone was 75. Here are the best looks:

Catherine Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge

WPA Pool/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

Did somebody say farmed salmon? Kate’s got me craving fish with a little cream in the bright summer heat. The hat’s vaginal, and you can be sure that girl in the background is taking a picture of a visible pantyline. Fab!

Prince Edward, Earl of Wessex


As a result of the stunning loss of the Queen’s favorite boy (he’s still alive, he just is a pedophile), the family’s been trotting this random son out. You know what they say about men in big top hats… That they think they’d be good at acting if they didn’t have that pesky last name baggage to drag around. Fab!

Sophie, Countess of Wessex

WPA Pool/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

I’ve worn that exact fabric that Prince Edward’s wife Sophie is in, and the way that thing traps heat is unbelievable. I wouldn’t wish the scent on my worst enemy. I’m sure those earrings were a gift from MBS that Markle discarded on the Sussex office’s swag table. Fab!

Princess Alexandra, The Honourable Lady Ogilvie

WPA Pool/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

All dolled up for Easter and not a bun-bun in sight. Pantyhose are looking opaque and slightly baggy, which is a fashion must with this crew. Fab!

Benedict Cumberbatch, Doctor of Strange

WPA Pool/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

Whoah, there! Confused this famous Brit for a random footman or Beatrice’s husband (one in the same — oh, aren’t we naughty?) until I zoomed in and saw the sunglasses in hand. Very cool. Fab!