Check Out Will and Kate's New Pleasure Palace

It’s a royal dump

WINDSOR, ENGLAND - APRIL 21: Prince William, Duke of Cambridge and Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge a...
Mark Cuthbert/UK Press/Getty Images
grace and favor

The Cambridges are moving into some dilapidated outbuilding on Granny’s Windsor property, and it looks like a real dump.

According to the New York Post, the brick-and-stucco grace-and-favor property, called Adelaide Cottage, was built in 1831 for King William IV’s wife Queen Adelaide. King William IV was known at the time as “Silly Billy” for his fumbling, Prince Andrew-like bravado, and he probably shuffled his wife over to this shithole so he could sire 10 illegitimate children back at the main house. The cottage still has its original porch, which I’m sure has seen some stuff that could tear apart the fabric of the monarchy if only it were sentient like that chatbot that scared the Google engineer earlier this week.

It seems that Will and Kate were left with few options to live upon their relocation from their homes at Kensington Palace and Norfolk to Windsor Home Park, even though the Crown Estate owns most of the property in greater London and Windsor, plus up to 12 nautical miles of the island’s seabed, so I’m not really sure why they couldn’t just build a house to their liking, but what do I know about preservation law?

Anyway, they’re gritting their teeth and moving forward with it.

“Finding a way to make Adelaide Cottage work seems to be the best and only option,” a source told the Sun. “There are issues with all the other houses, so Adelaide will be the favorite.”

The duo and their three individualist children were going to live in Frogmore Cottage, where Meghan and Harry briefly lived, but the Sun reported it would be too expensive to repair — although I do remember much ado about the Fabulous Markle Twins spending tax payer money on renovations like a yoga studio and a genderless nursery as recently as 2019…

Call me an ugly American, but I’m deeming this old pile of bricks an easy flip, even if it was last remodeled in 2015. I’m thinking “nü farmhouse” for this joint: paint it white with black trim, get rid of the chintzy decoration on the roof’s eaves, and slap a Futura house number on it. Get some IKEA cabinets in the kitchen and a Keep Calm and Carry On print in the bathroom. Sell it off for double what was paid for it, which is nothing.