Cash-Strapped King Charles Sends 14 of Mum's Horses to Pasture

Hoping to make a quick buck on a stud, sir?

BALLATER, SCOTLAND - OCTOBER 11: King Charles III feeds carrots to horses as he attends a reception ...
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I’m worried about the British Empire. Not about the diminutive new Prime Minister – he seems rich and I can’t imagine he’ll last long. Rather, it seems like King Charles is cash poor. According to the BBC, he’s selling 14 of the Queen’s prized horses! Neiiiiigh, this can’t be true!

This is not how Mah-MAH would’ve wanted it, no way, even if Jimmy George, a spokesperson for the horsey auction house Tattersalls, said, “It’s nothing out of the ordinary. Every year they would sell horses. The Queen had brood mares of her own, she would breed them and sell them. You can’t keep them all.”

According to the Tattersalls auction list online, “King” Charles appears to be selling via the Queen’s trainer Sir Michael Stoute. Say goodbye to Astro King (because Charlie is jealous of his easily begat title), Morning Sun (he doesn’t need a daily reminder of how the sun has indeed set on the British Empire), Theme Park (Princess Diana took the boys to Disney World without him in 1993), Boss Power (nobody ever calls him that :( sad ), Just Fine (mid), Morning Post (the British royal family HATES blogging), and others. Prized horses Balmoral Leia and Fabuleu de Maucour are safe. For now. How petty.

Jimmy George said, “​​Every year owners sell stock. His Majesty is just doing what owners do.”

But for the Queen, horses were more than just stock. They were her secret lovers and her sturdiest of seats, the corgis of the equine world. God, she loved those horses. Lilibet the First, are you listening? If I were your spawn, Queen, if you’re listening, I’d never sell those. I’d probably give back the Koh-I-Noor diamond, though.