Behold the Witch Princess Meghan's Magickal Pinky Ring

Cast a sigil from the polo field

THE HAGUE, NETHERLANDS - APRIL 17: Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex and Meghan, Duchess of Sussex attend...
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Montecito Diablerie

Observers of the celestial arts may have spotted a sinuous pair of wearable runes coiling and twisting their way across the retired Druid Princess Meghan Markle’s now-inert pinkie and ring fingers. What ever could these dual halos portend, and could decoding their impresa be the key to unlocking her and her boy king’s dormant and fearful Californificated magick?

People has divined that this set of two has a “hidden message for women’s empowerment” just for you.

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Both circlets are covered in gemstones that radiate off their chosen wearer with the ferocity of a dillion midnight moons, bonded in a gold as soft and delicate as the hair of vestal virgin thestral. What potency do hath thee? Betelnut? Toenails? Grains of paradise? With the rings’ powers vested in her perfect hand, could Meghan unite the Irelands, where the shadows lie? Or EGOT?

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It’s actually an inlay of conflict-free diamonds meant to commemorate American girls winning the right to play varsity sports at college, from a company called Shiffon Co., People exclusively reveals. One of the rings is called the 1972 Tennis Pinky Ring, a signature piece that the company’s founder — who started the company out of her Harvard dorm room — came up with after being “educated on how much inequality there is for women in the sports field.” Approximately 19.72% of the proceeds from the $2,800 tennis ring go toward a “dedicated Women in Sports investment fund.”

The other bedazzled band is called the Duet Pinky Ring, which purportedly traffics in the dark magic of a “pinky promise” between women.

Covenmates Nicole Kidman, Michelle Obama, and Serena Williams have also been seen sporting the curséd objects.