BBC Blocks Meghan Markle With Big Candle During Funeral Livecast

The flame of monarchy will not be extinguished

Candle blocking Meghan Markle during funeral livecast.
ya burnt

As Elton John once sang, “And it seems to me you lived your life with a candle in the way.”

We must address address the lumpen shard of beeswax in the church: In the official BBC livestream of the Queen’s state funeral, a nine-hour broadcast which has ten million views on YouTube (not to mention the additional 33 million people who watched on television), a big ass candle obscured Meghan Markle’s face every time she was shown on screen.

Her wide-brimmed hat made the facial obfuscation worse, as did her position behind Princess Anne’s husband Tim Laurence, whom the Daily Mail describes as “one of the tallest members of the Royal Family.” Not as tall as this viral long man at the funeral, but it’s not a competition.

Obviously, we must call a spade a spade and a Baies a Baies (candle humor): We root for Meghan, usually, but this state media-sanctioned taper attack is one of the funniest acts of attrition against an in-law at a 96-year-old’s funeral that I’ve ever seen in my long, pathetic life.

Obviously, I now have my tinfoil billycock on and I’m going full conspiracy theorist: This is no accident. The BBC put that candle there at just the right angle because she was diverting attention from the non-defecting members of the royal family via looking too hot while crying. They’ve got a vendetta against her because of what she said to Oprah after quitting the royal job, leading the queen of Montecito to ask her, “Were you silent, or were you silenced?”

And now I have an important question for Meghan, considering this new subtle initiative of terror. Did you burn out, or were you burnt out?