Meghan Too Prim To Say "Bitch" During Bitch-Themed ‘Archetypes’ Episode

That's one thing The Duchess won't be reclaiming

LONDON, ENGLAND - JANUARY 09: Meghan Markle listens to a broadcast through headphones at Reprezent 1...
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Listen up bitches: Meghan Quirkburger Markle is back in the stu with another hot volume of her Archetypes pod. This is her “To ‘B’ or not to ‘B’?” episode, in which “Meghan explores the origin and plague of ‘the B word’ and its cousin difficult and how these terms are often wrongly applied to a strong-minded woman, especially in business.”

Despite my avid entrepreneurship (I sell Meghan Markle tees out of the back of my van in the parking lot of the Montecito Country Mart), there’s almost nothing I personally care less about than being respected in business. But I listened to her interviews with Mellody Hobson, the first Black female chairperson of an S&P company (Starbies, if you want to know), and Victoria Jackson, the infomercial queen and medical researcher, because I was hoping Meghan “Oh gosh” Markle would say “bitch.” I wanted to put it on my soundboard for my morning radio call-in show or use it as blackmail.

But the Divine Mrs. M went the entire episode without saying the Big B. As she explains in a brief interview at the top of the episode with Robin Thede, the creator of A Black Lady Sketch Show, she is not interested in reclaiming that word. That honor will go to the female dogs among us. Meghan plays a clip of a sketch from the show in which a bunch of hotties are at a “bad bitch support group.” It gives Meghan “full body hives” to hear the word “bitch” that much.

Not to get too intellectual for you bitches but I do wonder why she’s doing a podcast episode about a term she doesn’t want to dismantle on her archetype-dismantling podcast. I wouldn’t go so far as to say Meghan’s personal politics are regressive — I think she’s just a corny dork — but the lessons she learns by the end of every episode are so basic and fundamental to the project of girl-power feminism that I can’t help but wonder where her head’s been the last 20 years (Toronto?). Divas can be strong and assertive, but can also be kind; Dumb blondes can be strong assertive, but can also be kind; B words can be strong assertive…and also kind.

I thought, perhaps, at the end of the episode she’d do one of her famous got you…not gotcha bait and switches and unleash a string of expletives so empowering that legions of underrepresented voting blocs head to the polls on this Election Day. Maybe use the word “quim” or “cunt”? Instead, she said nothing. And yet — I’m still listening.