The Winner of Elon Musk's Twitter Is... Dane Cook!

How’s Elon Musk’s Twitter takeover going for you? Not great, right? The loser billionaire’s overpriced bid on the social network site has led to massive layoffs within the company and bouts of insanity for the rest of us. First, verification was going to cost $20. Now it’ll only cost $8, thanks to Stephen King.

Musk, on the other hand, is already complaining about his newfound toy, citing activist groups (?) interfering with advertisers.

Whatever that means.

Meanwhile, everyone from civilians to the most poster’s-diseased has been panicking about where to go next, whether it’s Tumblr (now welcoming nudes again) or whatever the hell Cohost is. It’s hard to determine if anyone is actually getting anything out of Musk’s vision for the site, except for one man in particular.

Dane Cook!

You might think, Dane Cook — the comedian whose fertile fiancée is 26 years younger than him? Surely he has everything a man could ever want.

Wrong.

If there’s one person who has Elon’s ear in all of this, it’s Dane Cook, who put forward a humble request for the one thing his life is missing.

A sarcasm font. Of course! Finally! (This would all be in sarcasm font, if it existed, which it doesn't — yet.) Would a sarcasm font only exist on Twitter? How would other platforms adapt to sarcasm? I guess this isn’t a problem for me, because I don’t own any social media platforms, but these are good questions to be asking.

Lucky for Dane, Elon replied with what I can only imagine should also be in sarcasm font.

Haha! These two!

Cook’s suggestion of “backwards italics” really has me laughing, more than any of his comedy has since 2005, and his mention of the sink is a cute little wink at Musk bringing one to Twitter HQ on his first day. Though Musk did not reply to Cook’s suggestion, I’m sure he appreciated the personal touch.