TMZ.com's web-enabled stalkerazzi have continued their crusade against the scourge of underage drinking at clubs in Hollywood Boulevard's storied Morality Corridor, capturing video of a bust at celeb-infested boozehole Mood late last night while trolling for evidence of the sub-21 celebrity set entering the bar. They did get footage of 19-year-old, famous-esque Laguna Beach personality Kristin Cavallari, as well as some of a 17-year-old (pictured at left) being led away in handcuffs for sneaking into the club with fake ID. Reports TMZ:

· Sean Connery's pretty active for an old dude, not even letting a little tumor removal stop him from suing a country club for about half a million bucks.
Philosopher-queen Lindsay Lohan on coitus: "Sleeping around is not something that interests me, but the act of love is an amazing thing, It's groovy. You've gotta have some fun and let those emotions out." And should those emotions need to come out in a bathroom stall at Mood, so be it.
If you think we're bent out of shape about Crash, wait until you read what Brokeback source material author Annie Proulx has to say about the film's robbery. Warning: Bile may actually shoot out of your monitor and stain your work clothes.
Colombia's ambassador to the United States isn't too thrilled with anti-cocaine crusader Bruce Willis' invasion plan.
· Maureen Stapleton may have passed, but she'll always be Johnny Dangerously's mom to us.

• Oscar-winner George Clooney takes to the Huffington Post, where he lobs an eloquent "fuck you" to all Democrats who voted for the war. If Clooney blogs, does that make it sexy? Or does it make him less sexy? Discuss. [Lowdown]
• Lindsay Lohan insists she's not wearing hookerpants, but she does find "the act of love" to be "groovy." If we didn't know better, we'd say that sort of talk reeks of virginity. [R&M (2nd item)]
• Britney Spears tightens husband Kevin Federline's allowance, only giving him enough to buy three wifebeaters a day. [Page Six]
• Is the end nigh for Florent, the original gem of the Meatpacking District? [Gatecrasher]
• Alexis Glick, a former contender for Katie Couric's Today show throne, has been banished to MSNBC. [Page Six]
• Sharon Stone says her nude scenes in Basic Instinct 2 should be "disturbing." No worries there. [Scoop]

• Teri Hatcher never had to testify against her uncle who sexually abused her, so why would she come forward and spill the story to Vanity Fair, apropos nothing? Because of George Clooney, that's why! Captain Sexy gave Hatcher the fuck-n-run, and she had no choice but to go to VF with an unrelated, attention-grabbing story. Don't we all deal with break-ups like that? [Page Six]
• Once you're inside Lindsay Lohan's lair at Bungalow 8, there's no escape. Not even Lance Armstrong is strong enough to fight off her emphysemic charms. [R&M]
• Paris Hilton refuses to pay for the $2500 ticket to Elton John's AIDS benefit/Oscar party and instead pulls the "Don't you know who I am?" Meanwhile, even Us Weekly refuses to write about the skankbot. [Page Six]
• Two words on why the art world sucks: cash bar. [Lowdown (2nd item)]
• Dennis Quaid, unsuspecting manorexic. [Page Six]

In this sunny edition of the Stalk: Ashley Olsen and Lindsay Lohan stage a showdown at Bungalow 8, Eva Mendes and Joaquin Phoenix, Johnny Depp, Anderson Cooper in (gasp!) Sears jeans, Don Cheadle and Adam Sandler, Jimmy Fallon, Lenny Kravitz, Marc Jacobs, Harvey Weinstein, Jerry Seinfeld, Jonathan Rhys-Myers, Michael Imperioli, Richard Gere and Carey Lowell, Jane Krakowski, Morgan Spurlock, Dennis Haysbert, Hope Davis, Vincent D'Onofrio, Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick, Chris Martin, Elisabeth Rohm, Billy Joel, Julie Andrews and Alec Baldwin, B.D. Wong, Drew Barrymore and Fabrizio, Alan Cumming, Malcolm Gladwell, Conan O Brien, and Ice Cube.

It's the battle of the Vanity Fair contributing editors for your go-to superstar confessional!

Aside from the unfortunate coincidence that Reese Witherspoon is a mother with two kids, Tatler forces you to realize just how far our glossies have fallen behind. While Seventeen pieces together a ho-hum interview with Dina Lohan, Tatler gets to the point with a cover story on "mothers who do coke with their kids." Really, isn't this exactly why the British press is so much better than ours? Now, if they could only keep our American actresses straight — this is clearly a Lindsay Lohan issue, not a Reese one — they'd be perfect.

Because she's the only young actress who anyone seems to care about anymore, the April issue of Seventeen crowns Lindsay Lohan as its monthly prom queen (quite the appropriate choice, we might add, as this issue seems to deal with "sexy hair"). What's particularly interesting, however, is the cover blurb: Exclusive! Lindsay Lohan - Her Mom Speaks - "My Child Is Not Perfect".

The above picture is, we hope, fairly self-explanatory, but we'll offer our recreation of what we think immediately followed the camera flash: Lindsay Lohan looked down at the coffee table to find her Blackberry (lower right), finally noticed the bong about a foot away, then delivered an impassioned speech to her friends about the dangers of casual drug use before storming out of the house, never to associate with them again. Well, at least until she later forgave them after she dyed her hair black, reinforcing that there were no hard feelings by posing for a series of photos in which the starlet cracked up her pals with various crude gestures. Once one abandons cheap, chemically induced thrills, one can rediscover simple joys like a well-flipped bird.

• Rick and Kathy Hilton fail to score an invite to the Vanity Fair Oscar Party; apparently the invite list has been reduced by 500, probably to accomodate Jamie Foxx's posse. [Page Six]
• The pre-Oscar party at the Roosevelt features every coked-up member of young Hollywood, very few of who are actually speaking to one another. [R&M]
• NB to Eliot Spitzer: You can take our smokes, you can take our dancing, but you will not take away our open bars! [Page Six]
• When a senator gets involved with NASCAR, no good can come of it. [Lowdown]
• And because Friday is Obvious Day, Lindsay Lohan is pictured near a bong. Try not to wet yourself with shock. [Egotastic]

The above photo of Lindsay Lohan at last night's General Motors celebrity fashion show (yes, really) will likely spread on the internets faster than a love bug on VD Night at Mood, so prepare your inboxes for a barrage of links promising a glimpse of the starlet's goodies. But after the Pavlovian drooling response induced by a famous nipple escaping its couture jail subsides, let's all ask ourselves a question: "Now why would a nice girl like Lindsay allow herself to be photographed from an angle likely to result in a too-revealing view of her breast?" The more charitable among us might decide that the chaos caused by the flashbulb firing squad made Lohan forget how loose her garment was on the right side. The rest of us, however, might be inclined to think that she decided that it was finally time to show the world that she's gotten her "curves" back. We'll leave it to you to decide how surgically adept her "dietician" and "trainer" might be.

• Back to the future: post-coke supermodel Kate Moss is being considered for an upcoming campaign for Calvin Klein, the label that launched her to fame in the halcyon 90's. Meanwhile, Burberry — which originally dropped the model immediately after her scandal — is rumored to have made Moss another offer. It's amazing what drug abuse can do for your career. Hoover now or be left behind! [Page Six]
• High-res Lohan coke-nose. [SFF]
• High-res Lohan nipple. [WWTDD]
• Brad Pitt and Vince Vaughn are so offended by Showbiz Show host David Spade's "hardcore" humor about their love lives, they've both threatened Spade. Coincidentally, isn't that show premiering soon? Gosh, Spade is such a bad-ass, we'll have to watch it now. [R&M]
• Nick Lachey makes the ultimate financial comeback, snagging half a million for a Gunnar Peterson infomercial. Jessica must be so jealous. [Page Six]
• Jane Fonda, Ted Turner, threesome, video camera... and then we lost consciousness. [Lowdown]
• Another fake Paris Hilton hits the wires, as if the real one weren't enough. [Scoop]

• Diet-pill whore Anna Nicole Smith heads to the Supreme Court today for a hearing regarding her gazillion dollar inheritance case, in which she is fighting for the money she rightfully earned by fucking her ancient, wheelchair-bound husband. In a perfect world, Smith will eschew all legal professionals and argue her case all by herself. Then we could die of happiness. [IMDb]
• Today in Lindsay Lohan's vagina: Wilmer Valderrama, 5:30 AM, Soho Grand. [Page Six]
• P. Diddy, currently in Rio de Janeiro for Carnival, was seen going into a venue known for its budget hookers. It's nice to know that despite his extraordinary wealth, the man still keeps things frugal. [Scoop]
• When it came time to file the divorce papers, did Nick Lachey lie about the date of separation from Jessica Simpson? If it means he could share in an extra $1 million of Simpson's cash, then of course he did. [Media Takeout]
• Lizzie Grubman and fiance Chris Stern are rumored to have their wedding scheduled as soon as the end of the month. Which would be tomorrow, right? [R&M (last item)]
• Because Brad Pitt morphs into his lovers, his latest role is as a United Nations-loving do-gooder. If Kofi Annan loved The Mexican as much as we think he did, Pitt's en route to becoming a Goodwill Ambassador. [Page Six]
• Donald Trump shames a Mar-a-Lago guest into tipping two employees who recovered her $2 million dollar bracelet. [Lowdown (last item)]

The Olympics are over, but not without one last media freak-out: Gold medalist snowboarder Shaun White (aka the Flying Tomato) is riding a hearty hype cycle, perhaps because he's one of the few American athletes who didn't fail under the weight of his own NBC-promoted promise. Or maybe the attention is because of White's involvement in a sport that is suddenly coming into its own. Or it could just be all about his ridiculous hair, which seems to have earned him a spot on the cover of Rolling Stone. No matter what the cause or reason, however, the Tomato has been having his moment. But even the most wholesome of media darlings cannot resist the lure of Lindsay Lohan:

In this highly speculative edition Gawker Stalker: Lindsay Lohan and Jonathan Rhys-Meyers at Bungalow 8 and the Spotted Pig, a rotund but curt Jared Leto, Bjork, Paul Rudd, Harvey Weinstein, Steven Spielberg and daughter, Susan Sarandon and daughter, Bob Balaban, Josh Lucas, Matthew Fox, Chelsea Clinton, David Cross, Sandra Bernhardt, Matt Dillon, Eric Balfour, The Flying Tomato, John "Artie Bucco" Ventimiglia, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Mandy Moore, Alec Baldwin, Cynthia Nixon, Diana Krall and Elvis Costello, Oliver Platt, Roseanne Cash, Jerry Springer, and Mario Cantone.

• Is Britney Spears' baby-daddy Kevin Federline putting the moves on Jessica Simpson? If so, good for him — a man has to move up the totem pole to survive. [Scoop]
• Lindsay Lohan and Jonathan Rhys-Meyers. Yep, exactly what it says it is. Honestly, there's no end to this girl and who she'll take down with her. [Page Six]
• A federal court judge has ruled in favor of Kid Rock — and humanity — by blocking the sale of his sex tape with Scott Stapp. [R&M]
• Love in crisis: Rufus and Sally Albemarle reportedly split, Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston still in question. And this concludes the only thing these two couples will ever have in common. [Lowdown]
• Riverhead axes its two-book deal with Fake Writer James Frey. Yeah, ya think? [Page Six]

The web-enabled stalkerazzi at TMZ.com staked out Hollywood Boulevard, and after untold man-hours spent monitoring the comings and going of clubgoers, have finally blown the lid off one of the nightlife industry's dirtiest and best-kept secrets: Underage celebrities frequent establishments where alcohol is served. In addition to a (shocking!) photo of 18-year-old Jesse McCartney clutching a Corona (likely alcohol content: 4.5 percent), the site has (jaw-dropping!) video of some of your favorite teen stars brazenly patronizing bars:

Click to enlarge.

• Madonna reportedly celebrated her Grammy performance by heading over to Cedars-Sinai for hernia surgery. Yes, she is human — and Kabbalah apparently doesn't protect her from intestinal bulges. [Page Six]
• Dina Lohan and daughter Lindsay reportedly have a public spat about Lindsay's partying. Mom's tired of staying out until dawn, but Lindsay just can't go out and blow rails without supervision. [Page Six]
• The wedding of Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban reportedly looms near. No clue if the ex-Thetan is invited, but here's hoping. [PC]
• Paris Hilton's forthcoming album contains a song about her falling-out with Nicole Richie. As you can imagine, it's lyrically powerful and emotionally potent. Just like herpes. [Scoop (2nd item)]
• Edie Falco, who wore no makeup for her role in Freedomland, leaves a showing of the film, unable to stand her de-spackled face. [Lowdown (3rd to last)]
• Bill Clinton suggests that perhaps VP Dick Cheney should not have shot his friend in the face. We miss you Bill. Come back. [R&M]

• Lindsay Lohan and mother Dina bond by watching naked women slut it up in the Hotel Gansevoort's hot tub. All tuckered out from that maternal quality time, Lohan took frequent trips to the bathroom with Nicky Hilton. Just another Monday afternoon, we're sure. [Lowdown (last item)]
• Billionaire and professional divorcé Ron Perelman has allegedly been pursuing a lookalike of estranged wife Ellen Barkin (but, of course, the new version is younger), which is making Barkin behave like a rabid dog. [Page Six]
• Unfortunately, Brian Quintanta — the man who scored a restraining order against Paris Hilton — might be the only person on earth who lies more than the heiress herself. [R&M]
• Brangelina rents a highly-secure apartment in Paris to hold them over while they search for a proper sex fortress in the South of France. [Page Six]
• PETA takes aim at VP Dick Cheney, who just shot his hunting buddy. Republican cronies deserve to be ethically treated, too? [Scoop]
• Shannen Doherty, who cares little for "right of way" or some such garbage, slams her Range Rover into a civilian's car. First Brandon crashes his racecar, and now Brenda does this. It's been a rough couple of seasons. [TMZ]