The high-school-quality drama surrounding beloved fauxteur Brett Ratner's apparent mentorship-with-benefits of Lindsay Lohan once again devolved into cat-fighting, with a "source" telling Page Six about Lohan's bedside discovery of Ratner's inconvenient model girlfriend during an unannounced drop-by:
• Though Lindsay Lohan and director Brett Ratner are "just friends," the 19-year-old starlet flipped when she found him in bed with his girlfriend, Alina Puscau. If we saw Ratner in a lusty state of undress, we'd lose our shit, too. [Page Six]
• Rush Limbaugh turns himself in on prescription drug charges and is released an hour later on $3,000 bail. Surely that harrowing experience has taught him a lesson. [TMZ]
• At the Capitol File party following the White House Correspondents Dinner, rapper Ludacris and Supreme Court justice Antonin Scalia talk about music. As expected, Scalia loves Word of Mouf. [Lowdown]
• Feeling that perhaps Dallas wasn't the best career move, J.Lo drops ICM agent Ed Limato in favor of William Morris' Dave Wirtschafter. If Wirtschafter talks shit about her in a major magazine, it can only help her career. [Page Six]
• Broadway producers Fran and Barry Weissler pinch-pennies, lose surefire hit production because of thrifty hotel choice. [R&M]
• Rupert Murdoch refuses to give Daily News gossip Ben Widdicombe any marriage tips. The much-younger, Asian wife speaks for herself. [Gatecrasher (2nd item)]
Today's Page Six gives itself over to fauxteur/current Lindsay Lohan daddy-issue manifestation Brett Ratner's hacky charms, featuring both a story about the director's semi-embarrassing, alleged re-gifting of a blanket to his new ladyfriend, and a blind item asking, "WHICH young hotshot director lost a big superhero movie project because he pulled a gun on one of the producers?", a question answered nearly three years ago in Esquire:
• In an attempt to save face in light of his estranged wife Denise Richards' claims that he's a drugged-up porn freak with a gambling problem, Charlie Sheen takes to Entertainment Tonight to make his case. Working against him, however, is the fact that only a drugged-up porn freak with a gambling problem would think a celebrity fluff show is the proper venue to do such a thing. [ET]
• Did Paris Hilton lose her Bentley in a poker game? Doubtful — we imagine she's quite good, actually. That lazy eye must make her impossible to read. [OCN]
• After getting slammed in the reviews of her Broadway debut, Julia Roberts does what any heartbroken women would do: She runs to Oprah. [Gatecrasher]
• Pearl Jam frontman Eddie Vedder preps for his tour by getting wasted and singing Up Where We Belong. [Page Six]
• Bill Clinton steals the show at Ted Kennedy's book party. Obviously. [R&M]
• Recipe for the most random gossip item ever: Take one $900 Hermes blanket, mix with Lindsay Lohan, Brett Ratner, and a bikini-clad Zeta Graff. Serve with unimaginable stupidity. [Page Six]
Hollywood PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers. Send yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the night you saw Keanu Reeves show up overdressed for a pajama party with a hammered blond on his arm.
Variety reports that Lindsay Lohan, who recently worked alongside Meryl Streep in a Prairie Home Companion, is once again wrapping herself in the career-legitimizing insulation of an Oscar-winning castmate, signing on to star in Garry Marshall's Georgia Rule with Jane Fonda, the story of "a rebellious young woman who has a dysfunctional relationship with her mother and is sent to spend a summer with her grandmother." But will Lohan heed her ostensible mentor's advice? We imagine that any rapport between the two actresses will quickly be eroded the first time that Fonda, no stranger to youthful indiscretion herself, walks in on Lohan as she violently coughs up reminders of the previous night's hijinks, and offering to hold her young charge's hair, is rebuffed with, "Listen, grandma, I don't need your help, OK? I've been doing this since I was, like, 12."
This morning, we covered our own asses (ahem) in allowing for the possibility that Lindsay Lohan's participation in an SNL sketch for Neutrogena Coin Slot Cream may have been tainted by the use of a crack-double. Our stunt-ass fears may have been realized, as an informant claiming to work on the show confirmed the use of a stand-in coin slot for the close-ups, citing the starlet's unwillingness to bear even an inch or two of her own butt-furrow on camera—a bout of modesty rendered somewhat pointless after Lohan's posterior-coming-out-party at the Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards two weeks ago.
Lindsay Lohan returned to host SNL for a third time this weekend, looking much healthier (read: not distressingly skeletal) than her last visit, though the scratchy-throated starlet sounded as if she hasn't yet kicked her five-cup-a-day broken glass and tar habit. The highlight of the show was a fake ad for Neutrogena's Coin Slot Cream, in which Lohan* gamely revealed the upper inches of her butt-cleavage (pictured above), once again demonstrating to the world that she has regained enough body mass for the public to be able to differentiate her ass from her legs and lower back.
Because NBC always loves a raspy-voiced teen trainwreck, Lindsay Lohan had her third hosting gig on this weekend's predictably unfunny Saturday Night Live. For a skit in which the characters were supposed to gorge themselves on a chocolate dessert, Lohan at least had the opportunity to demonstrate her theatrical chops: She made motions as if she were eating, but then not-so-subtly let the food drop from her mouth, lest a single calorie touch the upper regions of her esophagus. Strasberg would be proud.
Here's a little something to make your head explode, courtesy of pretty Jim Shi at The Daily:
The wax figure of Lindsay Lohan installed today at Madame Tussaud's New York location is so incredibly lifelike that a young Lohan fan was reduced to tears when her idol refused to acknowledge her repeated requests for a bump. The child's tears were turned to shrieks of joy, however, when the real Lohan suddenly appeared to usher the child into the exhibit's replica bathroom stall and honor the little girl's wish.
Because it's Friday afternoon, and more importantly, because Brett Ratner's "protection" check just cleared, we're happy to pass along this unsubstantiated report of an unconfirmed catfight between Lindsay Lohan and Jessica Simpson at the Dime last night, an act of starlet-on-starlet near-violence incited over—get ready for it—Ratner's attention. Says our tipster:
• The New York Press names Adario Strange as new EIC. Strange is best known as the second editor of The Source and his recent documentary The NYU Suicides, which is a lot like the Press because, uh... No matter. Welcome to media life support, Adario!
• A $250 power meal at the Waldorf means looking at a lot of fancy ladies — all of whom would crush you in a second if you came near their lofty perches. [Almost Literary]
• Any readers at the University of Oregon? Want to tell us what it was like to hear Times mag contributing writer Benoit Denizet-Lewis talk about sexy stuff? [UO]
• Bad news: Mariah Carey does not own any part of Mariah Winery. If their sauce sucks, they'll have to find someone else to blame. [WineFetch]
• Donny Deutsch corrupt? No. [AdAge]
• Meryl Streep thinks it's hard to be Lindsay Lohan, mostly because Streep just can't stay up that late. [BH]
• Katie Holmes puts on her fake belly all wrong. [Blogger]
• Head Stroke Julian Casablancas lost his diary. We doubt it's occurred to him to maybe look on LiveJournal. [The Strokes]
God's Random Gossip Generator has produced its arguably greatest, most mind-melting work, as Fox 411's Roger Friedman reports that fauxteur-about-town Brett Ratner has been seen hanging around with starlet-passed-out-in-the-bathroom-stall Lindsay Lohan, both at the Chateau Marmont and at Ratner's swingin', grandparent-chaparoned bachelor pad:
• Lindsay Lohan may have cried wolf about being misquoted in Vanity Fair, but she's been legitimately misquoted in W about acknowledging that her mother and siblings visit their father in jail. There are no such visits and W will be issuing a correction. No correction in VF however — the girl said she puked, and the tape recorder doesn't lie. [Page Six]
• If Alec Baldwin were forced to sleep with right-wing harridan Ann Coulter, he'd "jump out the window" — and then the Republicans would win again. [Lowdown]
• Katie Holmes is so dedicated to smiling her way through this nightmare, she'll blankly grin even while Tom Cruise talks about being abused as a child. Or maybe she's just genuinely happy to hear about that kind of thing. [Page Six]
• After a whopping 82 days of their second try at marriage, Eminem has filed for divorce from Kim. [R&M (2nd item)]
• Paris Hilton says former BFF Nicole Richie is "jealous" and "pathetic." Atta girl, Paris — keep this bitch fight going! Simple Life 15 premieres soon! [Scoop]
Per usual, we have no idea if the following is real or not, and we ever-so-slightly hate ourselves for pondering the matter for more than two seconds, but we've been cursed with a link to Lindsay Lohan's alleged MySpace page. While we've seen more than a few fakes, this one strikes us as at least the best imposter we've come across — so much so that, despite our desire to be mature and reasonable, we can't help but entertain a glimmer of hope that this might actually be legit.
Wilmer Valderrama's career and baffling popularity is a testament to the utter randomness of the Hollywood starmaking system: That no matter how thick your accent or thin your talent, you too can ride your 8-inch Latin love rocket to the top of the Hollywood pecking order, perhaps even taking a Mandy Moore-type's cherry along the way. As followers of all things Valderrama have surely gathered by now, any interview will inevitably hit upon one of two subjects: 1) Valderrama reflecting on how to take his career to the next level; and 2) Valderrama reflecting on the actresses he's nailed. Sometimes, however, such as in a profile in today's NY Times in support of his new MTV schoolyard insult competition Yo Momma, there's room for both:
Having effortlessly executed the high degree of difficulty "automobile manufacturer fashion show sideboob flash with optional nipple slip" last month, Lindsay Lohan was looking for a fresh challenge in the unexpectedly-exposed-celebrity-body-parts-at-public-events arena. However, no one could have foreseen her triumph at Nickelodeon's Kids' Choice Awards. Perhaps sensing that the young fans who made her a star during her Freaky Friday and The Parent Trap years weren't quite ready for an innocence-stealing areola-baring, Lohan instead repaid her prepubescent admirers by treating them to a fleeting, PG-13-appropriate glimpse of her hindquarters. Click on the picture above (may be NSFW) to de-pixelate the exposed area and fully inspect Lohan's latest accomplishment.
• Oh, Lindsay Lohan. Not content with a mere nipslip, the actress goes for a full-on cheekslip at the Kids' Choice Awards. Chances are, kids didn't choose to see celebrity buttflap. [IDon'tLikeYou]
• Tom Cruise conveniently pushes back his forthcoming marriage to Katie Holmes, delaying the nuptials until after the baby is born and Mission Impossible 3 premieres and hell freezes over. [AP]
• Madonna is reportedly looking for a home in Safed, Israel, where Kabbalah was born and the bathtubs run with blessed water. [Scoop (2nd item)]
• Rosie O'Donnell knows that Star Jones poops soup. Yeah, you heard her right. [Gatecrasher (2nd item)]
• After realizing nobody really cares to see her naked or listen to her speak about Israel, verbally incontinent actress Sharon Stone decides to hit the recording studio. [Page Six]
• Spiderman star Tobey Maguire looks to buy in the West Village — now that he's supposedly lost the weight, Manhattan will greet him with open arms. [Lowdown (3rd to last)]
• Thanks to your parents and other out-of-town guests, Tavern on the Green is the highest-grossing restaurant in the country. [Page Six]
• A crazed "fan" confronts Howard Stern and girlfriend Beth Ostrovsky — even more frighteningly, we're pretty sure the fan did not use Gawker Stalker to find the couple. [NYDN]
• One night after she was seen having Guinness with dinner, pregnant Gwyneth Paltrow is spotted downing glasses of wine at Lupa. Here's hoping she names the kid Franzia. [Gatecrasher (2nd item)]
• Cindy Adams gives an inexplicable shout-out to Lindsay Lohan, who has a dog that "may be having mental problems." Oh, Cindy — quit projecting. [Cindy Adams]
• Loudmouthed hookerpants Anna Benson files for divorce from former Mets pitcher Kris Benson, claiming that he's cheated on her. Benson, we suspect, is relieved. [Deadspin]
• Even if he's a longshot, should Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter replace Brad Grey as head of Paramount, we'll fly to Los Angeles just so we can slit our wrists in Hollywood. [Page Six]
• Beyoncé's father challenges American Idol creator Simon Cowell to a pre-fabricated musical duel. Slow news day. [Lowdown]
