This Firm Helping Canceled CEOs is Run by Dweebs and Cowards

How would they know what to do?

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Jon Henes, a Kamala Harris vice-presidential campaign staffer and veteran D.C. wonk, is starting a firm to help CEOs from getting canceled online. It’s called “C Street,” and it’s backed by Blackstone. According to Axios, its objective is to help “immunize companies and top executives from the threat of ‘cancellation’ or an employee backlash.”

But its rosters are filled with people who are not very online at all, and that’s concerning to me and all the other CEOs of the world looking for genuine guidance and leadership in avoiding the woke mob. If your own staff’s online presence is milquetoast and your opinions are mealy-mouthed, then how are these Blackstone dollars going to work for the truly iconoclastic online?

Most of the C Street staffers tweet logs are composed entirely of retweets of other people’s thoughts, sometimes with commentary such as “This.” Here’s a look at some of their non-controversial online presences:

Founder Jon Henes has 344 followers. He tweets exclusively about Kamala, failed NYC mayoral candidate Ray McGuire, and his mother in law.

Beth Kojima, talent acquisition and a Goldman Sachs vet, has 13 followers, 12 tweets, and unlocked her account in the time it took me to edit this blog post. She only retweets.

Alvin B. Tillery, Jr., a professor at Northwestern, will head the Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion practice. He’s a retweeting fanatic. This is the most controversial thing he’s ever tweeted in my estimation:

Melissa Prober, a litigator and former in-house counsel at the Clinton Foundation, will handle crisis communications. According to her Twitter, she is the cofounder of the DUMBO Action Committee. One of her only non-retweeted posts is this:

Minyon Moore, a C Street advisor and former Clinton staffer, finally gave us a little heat by wishing her old boss a Happy 75th Birthday. But it failed to garner much interest at all:

Not very impressive. I would’ve picked Machine Gun Kelly, who should’ve been canceled long ago but somehow avoided it and is our boyfriend now, as an advisor. Or Monica Lewinsky, a cancelation survivor who tweets a lot even if it is the same joke over and over again. But nobody asked me. Am I canceled?