Queen Elizabeth: Nice to E-Meet You

Breaking News: Queen Elizabeth is still alive. Today, Her Royal Highness was seen for the first time since Prince Charles and Camilla tested positive for COVID. The queen had met with Charles two days before his diagnosis last week, and has been quarantining in Windsor Castle. But you cannot keep a business bitch from getting things done, and the queen virtually met with two ambassadors today.

Looking like a Bond villain giving a mission to her henchman, the queen met with Estonian Ambassador Viljar Lubi and Spanish Ambassador José Pascual Marco Martínez.

Do we think the reason they’re standing so far away from the computer is a royal policy or a COVID one? And what is that little table for?

Okay, the little table is for setting down that little document (which I just learned is called Letters of Credence) that the queen can definitely not see — let alone read — from her vantage point. I guess England does love a prop (Hamlet holding a skull, much?).

This is not the first time Queen Elizabeth has met virtually with international dignitaries. Over the course of the pandemic, she has met with people from all over the world, and they all perform the charade of presenting a computer screen with their Letters of Credence.

Here she is looking like she’s about to nod off in front of Elin Suleymanov, the Ambassador from the Republic of Azerbaijan.

And again with Sarafa Tunji Isola, the High Commissioner for Nigeria. She looks a little more engaged here.

But paper is only so interesting, what about a medal? Here, the queen is presenting David Constantine with The Queen’s Gold Medal for Poetry, and apparently she has never seen this medal before.

You might think, well it looks like they’ve got this down to a science. They bring an ambassador into this gorgeous, ornate room, they present her with their documents, and everyone has a nice little time. Would it rock your entire world if I told you that they used to do this exact thing in a dumpier room with worse lighting?

Worse wallpaper, fewer paintings, a boring fireplace; this room sucks. It looks like Buckingham Palace’s bonus room. I’m glad the royal machine finally came to their senses and realized that if they’re going to give someone short shrift (not actually meeting the queen) they might as well put them in a room with a little flair.

Most importantly, it’s nice to know the queen is feeling fine. May she live forever, may Charles never be king. I hope this is what her face looks like right now.