Kyrsten Sinema: Stop Looking at Me!

After months of hold-up spearheaded by Senators Joe Manchin and Kyrsten Sinema, Congress finally passed a trillion dollar infrastructure bill. In its wake, Politico was granted a thirty-five minute interview with my favorite moderate bisexual endurance athlete Senator from Arizona in her “pink-hued Capitol hideaway office.”

“She’s definitely fed up with the emerging niche literary genre regarding what she wears on the Senate floor — something her male colleagues don’t have to endure,” Politico reports. Rudely, the piece links to a New York Times column where fashion diplomacy conspiracist Vanessa Friedman accuses Sinema of “channeling Marilyn Monroe” and not the comprehensive Kyrsten Sinema Outfit Review I spent all summer working on.

I’ve said this before, but if any of these lunatic men outwardly expressed the oxygen-starved Beetlejuice clawing at their rotten insides, you know I’d be writing about those fits, too. These losers are simply not giving me much to work with in my new role as a fashion writer — they really are the banality of evil. Boring!

But back to our girl. “It's very inappropriate. I wear what I want because I like it. It's not a news story, and it's no one's business,” Sinema told Politico. “It's not helpful to have [coverage] be positive or negative. It also implies that somehow women are dressing for someone else.”

Let’s wipe away our solidarity tears for one second to investigate this claim. When Sinema wore a “Dangerous Creature” sweater to work, her sickening psychosexual submissive playmate Mitt Romney told her, “You’re breaking the internet.” She replied, “Good.” In her Party City wig era, her rep told AZ Central the choice was to raise awareness for people who couldn’t get haircuts because of Covid safety protocols.

Sounds like she is explicitly dressing for someone else! That’s her whole deal. Besides ultramarathoning and rocking an Apple Watch to formal functions. I can only imagine what kind of twisted dog whistle she was attempting when she presided over the Senate in an American Girl Doll-sized denim vest.

“Despite Sinema granting a chatty interview, don’t expect to hear much from her publicly...even as progressives insinuate she’s bought off by the pharmaceutical industry or hampering Biden’s agenda, Sinema doesn’t feel a particular need to respond,” writes Politico. Just like her clothes, her politics are none of your business. Sometimes a woman just wants to feel good outside the suffocating gaze of her constituents.