I Sold More Books Than Chris Christie

Chris Christie, one of the more pathetic villains in recent history, spent November on a publicity blitz for his new book Republican Rescue: Saving the Party From Truth Deniers, Conspiracy Theorists, and the Dangerous Policies of Joe Biden. According to Eric Boehlert’s Press Run newsletter, Christie plugged his book on This Week, The View, Fox & Friends, Fox News, Fox Business, the Daily Show, HBO, and CNBC. This is in addition to an interview in the Times and a primetime hour on CNN. All of this publicity, however, did not ensure for the severely unpopular dolt what every detested demon with a book desires: to sell more copies than the young and beautiful unknown first-time author Kelly Conaboy did of her book, The Particulars of Peter.

Yes, according to Boehlert, who got his information from BookScan (the publishing industry tool that allows you to see how many books a person you dislike sold, if your friend in publishing is willing to look it up for you), Christie’s book sold a mere 2,289 copies during its first week on sale. Boehlert compares this to Jonathan Karl’s new book Betrayal: The Final Act of the Trump Show, which sold 24,000 copies in its first week. One might also compare it to Kelly Conaboy’s book The Particulars of Peter (now in paperback) — a funny book about a dog from an author almost no one on earth has ever heard of — which sold almost 2,289 copies during its first week in December 2020 and then, um, a bit more in the year after that.

Is it fair to claim Kelly Conaboy sold “more” books than Chris Christie when we are comparing her overall sales to his first week sales? Yes. First of all, to repeat, her book sold pretty close to that in its first week, speaking generally. Second of all, to repeat, pretty much nobody knows who she is. And third: Her book was released too late in the year to be on any holiday gift guides, so who knows how many more copies it could have sold in its first week if that week had been in mid-November, as was the case for Chris Christie’s book. So in conclusion, maybe let’s make just this very short leap and award Kelly Conaboy this “W” without making it into a whole thing.

Yes, Kelly Conaboy has certainly humiliated the bridgegate loser this time, hasn’t she? And now it’s time for you to do your part. Whose side are you on? Kelly Conaboy and The Particulars of Peter, which would make a sweet and thoughtful gift for anyone you know who has ever known a dog and loves to laugh and have fun? Or Chris Christie and his loser-ass “good Republican” book that nobody even wants, even though the media shoved it down their gagging throats for a month?

It's up to you to decide.