What Has the Poop Hotel Ever Done to You?

You're laughing? They want to pit googly eyes oan the jobby and you're laughing?

EDINBURGH, SCOTLAND - JUNE 04: A view of the newly built Ribbon Hotel on June 04, 2021 in Edinburgh,...
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O Cruel Humanity

It is so easy to be cruel online. Sitting alone in your little room, typing away tiny bits of depravity with your goblin hands. Giggling your unholy gremlin’s laugh. What has the internet done to our humanity? I shudder to think. And now our collective callousness has turned its demonic eye on yet another innocent target: this new hotel that looks like a big poop.

Jeff J Mitchell/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Yes, a hotel that looks like the poop emoji has sprung up on Edinburgh’s skyline, and oh, ha-ha, isn’t that just sooo funny. Isn’t it just soooo clever to poke fun at a hotel that is just sitting in Scotland, minding its own hotel business, looking like shit? Looking like an absolute big shit. An exact replica of the shit emoji, except you can stay in there and go sleepy. Someone — a ghoul! — has even started a petition titled “Pit Googly Eyes Oan The Jobby,” to put googly eyes on the, uh, jobby, so it more closely resembles the poop emoji. Hideous. It has garnered 1200 signatures. Disgusting behavior. And there’s a Twitter account. Appalling.

What has this poop hotel ever done to you, I wonder? Maybe you can think about that as you wrest sleep from the hands of your cruel devil god tonight. I doubt it has done very much to you at all, unless you live in Edinburgh, which you might. In that case, well. I suppose it inserted itself into your skyline. By the good of its heart! And, because it is meant to look like a ribbon, the lower half of its “ribbon” might obstruct your walking path. (It juts out of the sidewalk in front of the hotel as if, as Oliver Wainwright at the Guardian writes, “the ground had been ripped open by the force of subterranean bowel movements.”) But it is more likely that the poop hotel has only brought you joy. And what have you done to repay it?

You’ve only made fun of it. And you’ve only made it sad.

The poop hotel, by the way, has only ever had wonderful things to say about you.