Well, I Guess I Was Right About Elizabeth Holmes

I take great pride in being correct at all times. Things I have been correct about recently include but are not limited to: how people need to stop claiming they are “deranged,” jumbo blueberries being an abomination, my egg trick, companies telling your friend when you use their e-gift card, parents putting emojis over their kids’ faces, the “Letter of Recommendation” headline format, all mosquitos needing to die. Because of this I am pleased to report that I was once again correct, this time about Elizabeth Holmes.

In August, it was reported that Elizabeth Holmes would “strongly prefer not to” wear a mask during her criminal fraud trial. I pointed out that it would probably be in her best interest to instead, yes, wear a mask, due to several reasons, including the fact that underneath her mask is her face.

Now the Wall Street Journal reports that the Holmes trial has been paused because a juror might have been exposed to COVID-19. “It’s a little, I don’t want to say ominous, but it’s of concern that before we finish the first witness we have an issue,” Judge Davila told the WSJ. He said he instituted the pause “out of an abundance of caution.”

Well, well, well. Looks like some blood fraudster might be rethinking her original mask preference now, huh? Looks like Kelly was right yet again, wasn’t she? Oh, we despise Kelly for her relentless correctness! — but we also respect her deeply. I will say, though, that Elizabeth Holmes herself took my suggestion and has been wearing a mask to court, so. At least she agrees, about me. It’s nice to see her listening to the research for once in her life.