In Escape Attempt, Exceedingly Large U.K. Pumpkin Jumps Into Traffic

It’s a terrible time to be a pumpkin. People are carving things into you. People are buying you not to fulfill your life’s purpose (to be made into a pumpkin food) (or alternatively to be happy living out your days as a pumpkin in a field) but to decorate their homes. Farmers all over the world are carting your pumpkin body to fairs to weigh you publicly and then take credit for your heft. What’s a pumpkin to do? Well, Britain’s award-winningly large pumpkin had an idea, but beware — it’s not for the faint of heart.

“Britain's biggest pumpkin caused traffic chaos when it fell off its trailer and into a busy road,” reports the Daily Mail. The 2,656-lb pumpkin, even larger than the one that earned the U.S. record earlier this week, had just been officially weighed and deemed the U.K.’s largest pumpkin ever, before being strapped to a trailer for transport to a Southampton pumpkin festival. While en route, the trailer tipped over, causing the pumpkin to tumble out and block traffic.

What caused the trailer to tip over? One might say it was the fact that it had an unwieldy 2,656-lb pumpkin strapped to it. But we know better. This pumpkin saw his future — one of degradation; one of being on display at a pumpkin festival before having his seeds harvested to the greedy delight of the farmer who gained fame by happening to know him. He wanted out.

Alas, the pumpkin, though he could tumble, could not run. According to farmer Ian Paton, he was recaptured with only minor bruising. “There will have been lots of photos taken I'm sure. It's not very often you see a pumpkin like that,” Paton told the Daily Mail. And unfortunately he is correct.

“[The pumpkin] will now be going on display at Sunnyfields Farm where everyone can come and take pictures with it,” Paton said.

Oh, pumpkin. I’m sorry. You tried.