Queens Belongs to a Rooster Now

Just as Europe will soon capitulate to its wild boar population, it seems the New York City borough of Queens will soon have to surrender to one large rooster and a pack of hens. Yes, according to a report from NBC New York, a rooster has been at war with the neighborhood around 169th Street in Jamaica for years — and it seems as though he is winning.

A man named Leon Suseran was walking to the bus on Thursday morning when the rooster engaged him in battle. "I felt a peck on my left hand," Suseran said. "This thing kept coming, so vicious, almost evil ... blood was gushing, and I was trying to apply pressure to it and it kept charging at me." In the new station’s video we do see, indeed, that Suseran’s hand was injured.

"My neighbor got attacked in June, bit her ankle," said Suseran. Other neighbors interviewed by NBC New York reported similar attacks. “I've heard kids can't ride scooters, you can't walk freely,” one said. “You've got to be careful now of a rooster.”

Suseran received a tetanus shot and is on antibiotics as a result of his roostery run-in. "They roam the streets,” he said, “and residents need to be on the lookout.”

Reporter Checkey Beckford approached the home in Jamaica where the rooster is thought to be kept, and although the man who opened the door seemed to claim ownership of him, he was quickly silenced when someone else inside of the home closed the door. One can only wonder if he was just about to explain that the roles have in fact reversed, and it is now the rooster who owns him. Further, it is the rooster who will soon own all of Jamaica, and then all of Queens, and then all of the country.

But who will win in the battle between the wild boars and the rooster, when the rooster attempts to take Europe? We can only hope the rooster spares us, so that we might live to find out.