Put Some Gloves on the Pope Corpse Please

The Vatican has been displaying the embalmed body of Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI at St. Peter’s Basilica in Vatican City. Benedict, who we all thought was the Catholic church’s most progressive spokesperson since Jesus (until 2021 when a spate of reports about his mishandling of sexual abuse allegations), died on Saturday, and he’s been raw dogging it without a coffin ever since.

All of the photos of the dead body are horrifying to saints, sinners, and sexy Catholic school girls, obviously. He looks like one of the mummified bog girl of Yde, but with a jauntier hat.

But things get a little scarier when we zoom in to his hands.

They look like shriveled and discarded condoms one might come across in a public park weeks after use.

Let me get you a slightly more graphic image:

Here’s a comparison from when he was alive.

Happy passage into the afterlife, man. Keep your hands to yourself.