Florida’s Power Grid Belongs to Iguanas Now

And they are NOT benevolent

Theodor Brunshuus / 500px/500px/Getty Images

Iguanas caused “a large-scale outage” in Lake Worth Beach, Florida earlier this month, according to city officials. It was Florida’s third iguana-caused outage this year. It is clear the iguanas will do what they want with Florida’s power grid, and unfortunately for Floridians, what is also clear is that they have an insatiable appetite for power loss.

Three is half as many iguana-caused outages as the state experienced last year, (six), but please — do not mistake their kindness for weakness. “Every utility agency in Florida deals with this. It’s a nightmare,” Lake Worth Beach spokesman Ben Kerr told CNN.

According to Kerr, who still believes humans are in control, the reduction in outages is because of added safety measures at the city’s electrical substations. If you ask me, it’s because the iguanas are planning something much bigger. What makes them a substantial threat is their substantial size. “Unlike birds, the tail and sheer size of iguanas” is what gives them they ability to bring electrical systems to their knees, Kerr said.

From what could their contempt stem? According to the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission, iguanas are an invasive species “due to their impacts on native wildlife,” and Floridians are allowed to kill them. I think you might want to bring down the power grid, as well.

In the future, people will remember when humans were in charge. At that point, of course, humans will be relegated to polishing iguanas’ scales and gathering various leaves and fruits to feed them by hand. But with quiet voices they’ll speak of it; when they had positions like “city spokesperson,” “utility worker,” and “field supervisor.” When the city, the state, the country — when it was all theirs. Did they waste their brush with power? There’s no point in dwelling on it now. Maybe this is how it was meant to be all along. They’ll pray to igodna for an answer, but it will not come.