Biscuit Lorry Spills Nuts, Creams

It's a serious situation.

A spillage sign on top of a police van in central London where three people were taken hospital afte...
Andy Hepburn - PA Images/PA Images/Getty Images
oi me brekkie

A biscuit lorry has spilled its nuts and creams all over a road in Derbyshire. I’m afraid the situation is quite dire. If you’re looking for commentary such as “oi, me brekkie is right knackered after this lorry took the piss,” or “bollocks, I’m right off me trolly,” or “this bloke is telling porkies, innit?” you can look elsewhere. This is not a situation for Googling “British slang,” and then inserting it in a way that is nonsensical but essentially correct enough for its purpose. This is serious.

A biscuit lorry has spilled its nuts and creams.

All over a road in Derbyshire.

The Daily Mail saw the apparent “humour” in the situation, reporting that ”drivers saw the funny side, asking officers for a biscuit as they passed.” Ha. As if this is some sort of joke to them. Local response unit Erewash Response tweeted about the spill, prompting followers to “#PostYourBestBiscuitPuns 🍪.”

The puns that followed were even more unfortunate than the spill itself. “Were they dunk driving?” said one person. “That’s the way the cookie crumbles,” said another. Just terrible. “Doesn't look like the boxes were interlocked then shrink-wrapped! Failing the basics,” said a third, though I have to admit I don’t exactly get that one. A dreadful sight all around.

So, apologies — if you were hoping to read something like, “Sod off, bruv, the naff lorry went right mental!,” or, “Bloody wanker, I’ve got crisps in me trousers and biscuits in me trainers, now I’ll have to spend me last quid to look fit for me mum” or um, “I’m right chuffed about me lorry bird, mate; she’s rubbish, all right?, but she’s a bonnie lass and right cheeky, innit?” well, you’ll have to look elsewhere. The lorry thing that happened is serious, and we’re taking it seriously.

And to be more specific they were ginger nuts and bourbon creams.