Sam Bankman-Fried Free to Pursue Polyamory Full Time

The former crypto king has resigned from his now-worthless company

UNITED STATES - MAY 12: Sam Bankman-Fried, CEO of FTX US Derivatives, testifies during the House Agr...
Tom Williams/CQ-Roll Call, Inc./Getty Images
money moves

If I know anything about money, let alone crypto, it’s that it’s fake. One day you can be a billionaire, or in the case of now-disgraced and newly resigned FTX CEO Sam Bankman-Fried, you can no longer be a billionaire and everyone is laughing at you if not also confused.

My coworker Tarpley has compiled a great explainer on how and why FTX got so fucked overnight. From my own understanding, it’s that crypto is like the worst possibly constructed house of cards just waiting for the world’s tiniest gust of wind. In reality, it’s that FTX’s billions were tied up in FTT, a token used on FTX and the backbone of its operation (not to be confused with the medical acronym for “failure to thrive,” though if the shoe fits…) and their main rival Binance offloaded all their FTT to fuck over FTX. These guys are all so petty: I bet they would love watching reality TV.

Luckily, Bankman-Fried is about to have a lot of free time in his hands. According to a story in CoinDesk, one of the issues with FTX was that it was basically, to quote an anon source from their story, an “operation was run by a gang of kids in the Bahamas,” many of whom not only went to MIT together but also all seemed to be fucking. According to the CoinDesk story, all ten of those FTX employees and Bankman-Fried “are, or used to be, paired up in romantic relationships with each other.”

Many are seeing this story as a failure of nerd hedonism in the face of a ruthless, cutthroat financial market where children all across the globe are wielding fake coins at each other to disastrous economic and environmental results. As an optimist and a romantic, however, I believe the rise and fall of Sam Bankman-Fried is an example of the power of hope and the folly of love. If nothing else, all his free time post-resignation may allow him the patience and humility to be a better lover and partner to all those other freaks in that Bahamas apartment.