Twins Marrying Twins: Yea or Nay?

A new and improbable type of polycule has dropped: the “quaternary marriage” between Brittany and Briana Deane and Jeremy and Josh Salyers. The two sets of identical twins met at the annual Twins Day Festival in Twinsburg, Ohio, and now they all live in a house together and own a short-term rental estate, according to a profile by the Washington Post. The two sets of twins got engaged on February 2 (02-02 — the “perfect date,” according to Brittany) with identical rings, got married side-by-side-by-side-by-side, and had babies five months apart from one another. Brittany and Josh’s son is named Jett, and Briana and Jeremy’s son is named Jax. By a twist of fate and through the magic of human DNA, babies Jax and Jett are both brothers and cousins. That’s called a set of “quaternary twins.”

The two couples’ shared four-way Instagram is something to cherish, behold, and to belly laugh at. For one, they do a lot of sitcom-style mistaken identity bits.

The Deane women are very tiny in comparison to the Salyers brothers, and they dress a little bit like Krysten Sinema.

Being a person of non-twin experience, I don’t want to yuck the Deane-Salyers family’s yum. But I’d be double-timing you if I didn’t admit that this whole thing makes me a touch uneasy. Do the consenting adults in the equation ever accidentally kiss the wrong twin? Or do they kiss the wrong twin on purpose? Do they covet each other’s fit-n-flare dresses and khakis?

According to the man twins, their attraction to their respective woman twins was organic, immediate, and split down the middle at that fateful Twins Day party in a hotel conference room.

“I was attracted to Briana and Josh was attracted to Brittany,” Jeremy told the Post. “We exchanged phone numbers with each other and started to talk regularly via phone and social media.”

Was it really all so neat? The Post gives no indication otherwise.

All in all, this whole thing is going exactly how they’d always dreamed it would. “We’d decided that if we couldn’t find twins to marry, then we just wouldn’t get married,” Jeremy said. Brittany and Briana also dreamed of marrying brothers. But what if their children Jax and Jett don’t want the same fairytale, which I presume to be finding a set of hetero girl quartenary twins at the Quartenary Twins Day Festival and running a successful wedding venue business together? I hate to think of the stress put on these poor kids to keep expanding the family in a perfectly symmetrical, twin-tastic way that’s sure to only get more mathematically and genetically complicated with each generation. But then again, as long as everyone involved is surrounded by double the love, I’m not two worried at all.

Someone needs to think of the children, not just the twins who walk among them.